Live From the Strader Estate Outside Houston, Texas 'Murica
[ Our broadcast opens up in the makeshift backstage area similar
to that of High Stakes on the 23rd to the door marked PWA Owners
names but we only see the General Manager
No matter what they say, life is better when you have a
[ This gets a cheap pop from the fans
in attendance as well as from massive speakers that have been
set up on the main stage but that’s all background noise to the
people watching from their devices and televisions as the
socially distancing fans in attendance watch on the ADCtron.
Tamika smiles from behind her oak desk and simple black leather
First things first... welcome to my home, PWA Universe and I
mean that literlly as we are coming to you LIVE unlike others
but only with the utmost care and safety. Ok, so I have a few
things that I need to talk about... number one being where that
extra fan noise is coming from!
[ That familiar sneer
comes across her face as she points down to her desk as we
switch to a shot of the Chaos set that has been built for the
foreseeable future and we see that right under where she’s
pointing while broadcasting on the big screen are exta large
speakers set up and we move to shots of smaller speakers set up
around the guardrails. ]
Tamika Kalis: Now before the show
started the PWA app, available on iTunes and GooglePlay, sent
out a notification to the fans that they could help interact
right from the safety of their homes during this unprecedented
time in the history of the human race! It’s very simple, on your
smartphones you can tap one of the two buttons that will appear
on your screen to either boo or cheer!
[ The fans give a
pop and obviously fans watching from home add to the pop through
the speakers. Tamika smiles to herself on her idea. ]
Secondly, I have to address the empty chairs out there at
[ The fans at home and attending make their
displeasure known. ]
Tamika Kalis: I know, it was a unfortunate turn
of events after a successful return to the airwaves. Jon and
Brian have both entered a rehabilitation centre specifically
chosen by me to not only get of their bad habits out of their
lives but help actually help rehabilitate into society. So best
of luck to both men but that leaves us without commentators and
it’s a position that is of the highest importance as the PWA is
here to entertain the fans. Please let me introduce you to the
new voices of the Pioneer Wrestling Association however just
before I do Meghan had mentioned that maybe we should hire two
people that were unknowns in commentary circle. We considered
Extreme Warrior, Scott Sable, Teresa Q, Re:Coil, NightStryker,
but we want to bring something that is PWA quality and remaining
new at the same time. It’s a difficult situation but I am proud
to introduce Cara Townsend and Gerry Essex, two people from our
own ranks within the company!
[ A pretty young woman
walks out dressed very tasteful in a black pants suit beside a
older gentlemen with platinum blonde hair, a devils smile and
powdered blue suit and tie. The wave to the fans as they are
welcomed by them. Our screen is just backstage again as the
commentators took their seats, and Tamika leans forward with
excitement in her eyes. ]
Tamika Kalis: Ladies, gentlemen, non
binary identifying individuals... it is my absolute pleasure to
welcome you back to...
[ Her sneer intensifies as her
hands go and slam down on the desk. ]
[ The PWA logo flashes across our screens as the new Chaos
theme song ‘Lust for Life’ by Iggy Pop begins to play and we can
hear the fans in attendance cheering as the cameras pan around
the make shift venue that’s ultimately the same as it was for
High Stakes but even safer due to the private nature of the
Strader family estate. ]
Here comes Johnny Yen again
[ A Shot of smiling Lisa Seldon standing over a laid out
Riona Langly and that just makes everyone happy
the liquor and drugs
A shot of Jacob Figgins holding the
PWA Grizzly Beer title high up in the air after a match.
And a flesh machine
A shot of Vega drinking what must
be his own urine
He's gonna do another strip tease
A shot of Scott Nash Strader holding up the PWA World Title
being attacked from behind Matthew ‘The Virus’ Engel
[ Pyro’s shoot off out of the ring posts and all up the ramp
to a massive silver, blue and red firework shoot off up into the
sky lighting it up bright as the sun is mostly set. ]
man, where'd you get that lotion?
A shot of Adrian and
Simon Kalis signing their official contracts back in 2009 with
the Chaos brand
I've been hurting since I bought the
A shot of Showtime being awarded the AOWF World
About something called love
Yeah, something called love
A shot of The Viper and Jacob
Figgins from their tag team days together
that's like hypnotizing chickens
A final shot of the
Cowgirls From Hell sneering on our screens, as the cameras the
pan around the excited fans in attendance and the speakers all
around the outdoor venue blare cheers out of them from the fans
at home as the cameras settle on the new commentary team of
Gerry Essex and Cara Townsend. ]
Welcome to Wednesday Night Chaos everybody. I’m Cara Townsend,
beside me? My wonderful colleague, Gerald Essex!
Please, please, call me Gerry, Cara. You are right welcome back
everyone! We can both tell you a lot of work went into building
not just this outdoor venue that is in protocol with social
distancing practices and mandates.
That’s right, Gerry! We have one heck of a card for with The
Viper taking on The Virus!
Gerry Essex: You remember I said to you
backstage at High Stakes when we were producers that I could
smell bad blood coming between Engel and Sullivan. I was right,
Townsend: You do have a way of predicting
things, as the PWA universe will learn over time! When we
return, Sullivan! Masked Lard! Don’t touch that dial!
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Hunter Sullivan vs
The Masked Lard
Time Limit: 15 Minutes
Welcome back ladies and gentlemen! We had to cut to commercial
break like we did because of how long it takes Lardy boy up in
the ring to get down to ringside!
Gerry that’s rude. The Masked Lard does have feelings you know.
Yeah you are right... he can usually feel where his next meal is
coming from in the form of a notification on a food delivery
Wow, Gerry. Have you ever heard the tale of the pot and the
"Oh these are the most beautiful-est things I
have never seen..."
[ A bass, distorted and twisted, is
strummed with depravity. ]
"I will Sh*t on them!"
[ With such gaudy cacophony the entrance way illuminates with
white rapidly flashing strobe-lights and smoke, The latter of
which is propelled with such vehement ferocity you can hear it
squeal through Owen McMahon's gnarling bass. ]
Introducing from beautiful St. Johns, Newfoundland Canada....
weighing in at two HUNDRED and Twenty Seven pounds!
timed drum fill precedes a guttural dissonant guitar and violent
snare hits that embrace a sloppy but passionate performance. The
energy is high as Sullivan vibrantly runs out from behind the
pummeling smoke. A genuine excitement exudes from Hunters
gesturing, pacing back and forth on the stage, engaging with the
Eric Emerson: He is Hunter
kin to Sullivan's multitude of performances on bar stages and
decks in front of passionate music fanatics, he returns the
crowds energy here in PWA. Exuding the aura of rockstar, Hunter
embraces the warm welcome with a broad and sincere smile. The
former Viper descends the ramp in smooth motions, thanking fans
and pointing at any sign along the way with his namesake. From
ramp-way to matting, Sullivan jerks himself up onto the ring
apron in a swift motion, stepping through the middle rope and
embracing the ring. ]
Gerry Essex: It’s too bad I don’t even think
this Ranch, estate, ridiculously large piece of land the bosses
has ever had a cow on it...
Cara Townsend: I am 100 AF certain I
will regret asking why that is but screw it might as live in the
Well the smell on this warm night would just remind him of home
and give him that sense of ease.
[ While Cara shakes her
head at ringside at her colleagues insensitive remarks The
Masked Lard who sweats profusely on a cold night is definetly
feeling the early September Texas heat but the air is already
starting to cool off bumps fists with Hunter Sullivan in a show
of sportsmanship. DING DING DING!
Wonder how long this is going to - - - - -
[ The stunned crowd and the newest Zebra of the PWA, Michelle
Attwood, look in astonishment as she drops to count the pinned
hardly have a time to respond as the Masked Lard lays confused,
motionless, and at the sky. It seems The Viper has struck again,
soaring out of his corner with an immediate and aptly named,
Viper Snap. The match is shorter than the entrance that preceded
it and Hunter immediately gets his hands on a microphone. ]
Looks we are going to try and fill some airtime with some hot
Gerry, that was an impressive win and unlike you, the fans want
to hear what he has to say. You need to be a bit more sensitive.
Only thing sensitive about me, Cara, is the cavity in the back
of my mouth when I drink sugar cane throwback Pepsi.
Matthew Engel is a Pussy.
[ Sullivan isn't even tired,
spitting out his declaration to a pop from the sparse crowd and
the fans watching at home. ]
Hunter Sullivan: He's a coward and at
the end of the day he continues to prove the old adage that you
can't run a jackass with a race horse, and I'm just about prime
to lap that geriatric twit.
Gerry Essex: Someone should point out
the fact Virus is a absolute legend in that ring and there’s not
even ten years in age difference.
Gerry, just in our short time out here together I wouldn’t have
figured you to be someone who would use facts when putting down
a person. Whatever the case may be, the fans here on the Strader
land and at home through their apps are loving it.
So here's what is going to happen. Showtime and Matthew are
about to have a match as soon as I shut up, and I will. But
what's not going to happen is me leaving ringside. In fact I
think I might just take a seat out here and enjoy the show. If
Engel has a problem with that he is welcome to come and do
something about it.
[ Sullivan rolls out of the ring
with the microphone, gesturing to a security guard to hand him
one of the empty seats next to him. The response is apprehensive
and slow. Obviously the gruff and slightly overweight guard is
uncertain if this is going to fall poorly on him or his
employer. However, he does comply with the very insistent and
irritated looking Viper. ]
Hunter Sullivan: Thank you!
Sullivan snap unfolds the chair, setting it up cutely in the
corner of the enclosed ringside area, taking a very poignant and
deliberate seat. ]
Hunter Sullivan: Well come on, let's get that
guns and roses playing so we can get the show rolling!
This guy is really going to sit out here?
I guess so. He could at least join us... that’s just rude.
[ However instead of the music Hunter was expecting to hit
it’s Van Halen’s classic “Unchained” and the crowd gives a huge
pop surprising the commentators and the former Viper (although
to his credit, you would have to be a Twitter neck beard to
notice) as the one and only Meghan Kelser walks out on stage to
tremendous crowd approval. The Cowgirl from the Order of Chaos
stops at the beginning of the rampway and with a microphone in
hand addresses Hunter Sullivan directly. ]
Just who do you think you are?
[ Hunter goes to answer
but Meghan interrupts him. ]
Meghan Kelser: Cut that microphone,
Oh, nice little shout out to our production manager, Wally
Keep up the good work Wally!
Meghan Kelser: Listen, Hunter, I get it.
You aren’t happy with Matthew. Not very many that have been
apart of the PWA have been happy with him. Honestly it’s a
miracle he even has family that talks to him.
[ The fans
in attendance laugh. ]
Meghan Kelser: In saying that, my lovely sister
preaches a safe work environment for the talent and fans alike,
there is enough bad blood between Engel and Ambrose we don’t
need you adding to it.
[ The fans boo as Hunter is
obviously being booted from ringside. Sullivan starts to protest
but the Strader boss doesn’t pay that very much attention. She
turns to walk back backstage but she stops, turns her head to
her right for a second before turning back around. ]
Oh but before I go and you cler yourself from ringside Tamika
wanted me to tell you that on the September 23rd edition of
Chaos you and Matthew Engel will be facing the winner of
tonight’s Main Event for the currently vacant PWA
[ This announcement makes
the ring vibrate and the still motionless Masked Lard vibrates
with it as the fans give their approval from attendance and at
home. Meghan nods at the crowd as they have adjusted their
attitudes as has Hunter as he makes backstage as ring attendants
come down to get The Masked Lard out of there. ]
Whoa! I’m not sure which is more shocking; the title match
announcement or the fact you can feel those ‘Fan At Home’
speakers set up all around our outdoor venue in your chest!
Maybe we should have a Pacemaker PSA!
Maybe we should but forget that we are going to have a new
Intercontinental champion in two weeks time! That is so
Essex: You are right Cara, and I think it’s safe
to say Lisa Seldon is our new IC champ!
We don’t know that, Gerry. She still has her mystery opponent
tonight to get through!
[ Gerry looks in the camera,
rolls his eyes, motioning with his thumb towards Cara he mouths
“this guy” and shakes his head. Cara sighs and moves on. ]
Up next is two former rivals of the past in Virus and Showtime
but first word is that there is some sort of announcement about
to played on the ADCTron! Let’s check it out!
Maya 2020 Give Chaos Order Again
We can just imagine what everyone thought when they saw that
flag unfurl from beneath that helicopter.
[ Flashes on
screen dating back to the founding of The Order of Chaos in 2004
begin, when three great rivals shocked the wrestling world by
joining forces. Two of them fade into shadows, with Simon Kalis
remaining with the AoWF World Tag Team title around his waist
and the AoWF TV title raised up in his hand.
Yeah, you all hoped you’d never see this son of bitchs face ever
[ A stream of images quickly flash by on screen,
highlighting the horror wrought upon the PWA when The Order
arrived here back in 2009. Adrian Kalis now appears, holding up
his half of the AoWF World Tag Team titles. ]
Worse yet, maybe it was the little squirt who could never
seemingly escape his dads shadow? Mr. Too Mean himself could
barely hold an original thought of his own.
[ The screen
fades to black, before bursting with a colorful display of
fireworks on screen which are matched by fireworks live above
the lucky fans in attendance. ]
with the old and in with the new, it’s 2020 and it’s time for
new management and a new direction to lead The Order into it’s
[ On screen, stock footage of randomly
smiling people clapping and nodding fade in and out before Maya
Kalis finally appears, her hands at her hips and a shit eating
grin on her face. ]
Maya: I’m Maya, and I approve this message.
I don’t know about you, but she’s got my vote!
Right. Anyways, its Virus! Showtime! Next!
Showtime Vs Virus
Time Limit: 15
The match starts with Virus and
Showtime meeting up in the middle of the ring for a test of
strength however Virus is quick to kick a unsuspecting Showtime
in the midsection but he wasn’t unsuspecting and very much
expected this move so Ambrose was able to catch a Engel by a toe
and twist him violently to the ground. With Marcus methodically
focusing on the legs Matthew, Engel knew he would have to keep
the MMA and Boxing trained competition from putting him down on
Not yet known to Tamika Kalis as this match
would have never happened was that Ambrose had actually
dislocated his shoulder earlier in the day after arriving from
the hotel to the venue in his pre match work out and not wanting
to no show the first Chaos back he popped back into place and
felt good about his chances. Unfortunately for him, Engel had
happened to catch wind of this and being the opportunist that he
always has been began to target the injured soldier of Showtime.
Eventually the official Lance Weston called a match
stoppage after Engel purposely wrapped Showtime’s left arm
around the turnbuckle post outside of the ring on the floor
continuously slamming Ambrose’s shoulder into the post while
holding the injured arm in place so Marcus couldn’t escape.
Marcus was incoherent from the pain showing Lance made the right
That’s a tough decision for a seasoned official like Lance to
make knowing Showtime for as a long as he has.
You’ve heard the bosses at the meetings, the talent’s safety is
of outmost importance which makes sense because if they aren’t
on TV to draw the fans, they aren’t bringing in the money that
makes all of this possible.
Eric Emerson: Due to not being able to
compete any further, Matthew Engel is declared the winner by
[ The fans boo loudly as Virus
gives a smug look into the camera as he raises his own hand
after pulling it away from Weston. ]
the fans are unhappy and letting Virus know it!
smirks as suddenly starts attacking the fallen Showtime. The
fans boo louder as he pushes away the official continuing to
assault a man who can’t even begin to defend himself. “She’s Got
Balls” hits the sound system as the fans turning their jeers
into cheers as for the first time tonight Tamika Kalis appears
from outside her office, she already as a mic in hand and the
music stops pretty quickly as she starts yelling. ]
ENGEL YOU TAKE MORE SWING AT THE DEFENSELESS MAN I WILL FIRE
YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW!
[ Virus stops and mockingly pretends
to go for one more kick. ]
Tamika Kalis: You think I am joking? Get
out of the ring now, get up this ramp, walk past me, go get
changed in your locker room and get the fuck off of my show
until I decide when you get to come back. Oh, and give that damn
win to Showtime!
Essex: Wait, doesn’t he have a title match on
the 23rd and did she take away Engel’s win? What does she mean
when she decides when he comes back?
I don’t know Gerry, but I doubt it is at all good for Engel.
[ Engel gets out of the ring, walks up the ramp, and knocks
shoulders with his boss arrogantly. ]
You know what, just for that, the triple threat for the
Intercontinental title is a singles competition. You’ll stay at
home until otherwise told so.
[ Engel lunges at Kalis
for decision but she is quick to strike back at him but nothing
is able to come of it as security separates the two former
rivals turned employee and boss the fans cheering for the boss
lady the whole time. Virus is escorted backstage as, Tamika lets
her staff know she’s alright. Mrs Kalis brushes herself off
before raising her first in the air via the Order’s salute as
the fans cheer. ]
Townsend: Just like High Stakes, Virus let his
temper get the better of him, but this time it cost him a title
shot and got himself suspended.
Dare I say it smells like the power is getting to the bosses
Smells like? What does that smell like?
The Masked Lard afer the opening match earlier.
young commentator shakes her head. ]
Blood is thicker than Grizzly
[ We cut to a roaming camera over by
the production trailers. Talent and crew are milling around,
instructions being shouted to interns, coffee and soft drinks
being delivered and consumed. Our cameraman clearly knows where
he’s going, however, and heads round the side of one of the
trailers to a secluded spot behind it. Here we find Jacob
Seldon, looking as unwashed and unkempt as when we last saw him,
engaged in an animated conversation with a technician.]
…-saying, like, I don’t have all the money right now, but if
your guy is good for it then I ca--…
[ He spots the
Hey, this is a private meeting here, guy!
looks horrified at being caught on camera and immediately bolts.
Jacob looks very disappointed.
Jacob Seldon: What the hell, bro! You
just ruined my night! What is this?
[ PWA referee Scott
Swindell emerges in front of the camera to confront Jacob. He is
still sporting the residue of a black eye from the beating he
received at Jacob’s hands at High Stakes, though the true scars
are doubtless internal because… you know… dude got peed on by
another man on live television, that’ll mess with you. As soon
as he sees Swindell, Jacob starts laughing. ]
Scott, buddy, what are you doing here? Pretty sure PWA legal has
a restraining order that you’re making me violate right now.
[ Swindell squares up to him with a deranged grin. ]
Ask me why I’m looking so happy, Jacob.
[ Jacob doesn’t
You finally found a cologne that covers the smell of my piss?
[ Swindell shudders with rage but manages to keep grinning.
Scott Swindell: It’s
because - you degenerate - you’ve got a match tonight.
Jacob is still laughing. ]
Jacob Seldon: Oh yeah?
Which curtain jerker did they dig up for me to fight? Scotty
[ Swindell still has that crazy grin. He should
probably get some therapy, he might have PTSD. ]
No such luck, Jacob. I asked Meghan to do me a favour and let me
bring in somebody special just for you…
[ Right on cue,
the camera lens is almost blocked out by an absolute mountain of
a young man with muscles almost ripping loose from his Lacoste
polo shirt. Jacob is no longer laughing. ]
I’d like you to meet my nephew Chuck. He’s a state weightlifting
[ Chuck looms over Jacob, who almost completely
disappears from view, before leaning down to speak to him, nose
to nose. ]
Chuck Swindell: I saw what you did to my
[ Jacob looks concerned. ]
Okay, look, I think we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot here,
fellas. The thing is: alcoholism is disease, and if anyone’s a
victim here it--…
[ Chuck grabs Jacob by the collar and
lifts him up with one hand. Scott Swindell moves to stand next
to him, staring up at Jacob’s predicament with obvious glee. ]
Save your breath, Jacob, you’re going to need it for your match
with Chuck later tonight. And I’m going to be right there at
ringside to watch him break you.
[ Chuck lets Jacob go
and he falls down onto his backside with a thud. The Swindells
walk off laughing. Jacob pulls out a cigarette and lights it,
taking a few meditative puffs.]
[ Round and Round by Ratt plays in
the background as a man at the back of a dark room appears on
our screen, face not visible from the shadows, but a voice can
be heard in the echo of that dark room. ]
Man: Are you
tired of being fat?
[ This man slowly begins to walk
closer to us. ]
Are you tired of being a virgin, Pussy?
walking towards us. ]
Man: Are you tired of being a dork, a geek, a
loser? Do you have the urge to rock out to some kick ass tunes,
while bagging mad chicks?
[ He gets closer, we can see
his blonde hair, we can see gym mats on the floor. ]
Man: Are you
tired of getting beat up? Not impressing the girl?
steel eyes flash with the introduction of light, his black
headband wrapped perfectly around his head. ]
join me Sensai Johnny Lawrence where I can teach you the kickass
ways of karate. Become a Badass today at COBRA KAI! HUY HUIT!
[ Johnny jumps up in the air sending a kick that shatters
the screen as the chromed Cobra Kai symbol fills the screen.
Check out seasons 1 and 2 of Cobra Kai, only on NETFLIX! ]
Elections are for
Shmucks Vega 2020 Maya Kalis is a Hoax
A loud crack, followed by the sounds of two men scuffling before
on shrieks in pain can be heard on screen until the image comes
into focus. ]
Stranger: I got it! I got it to work!
Vega: Goo, you
go the sho?
[ Vega’s words are a bit muffled as he
appears to be holding down a security guard, one knee on the
mans chest as he chews on – ]
The Stranger: What’d you say?
The Stranger audibly gulps. ]
The Stranger: Jesus dude. I don’t think
Security Guard: My ear! My fucking ear!
Get him off me! Get him off me!!!
[ Vega spits the
security guards ear down into his face, slaps him and then hops
back up onto his feet. He tries to wipe the blood off his plain
white tee, but all he manages to do is smear it around. ]
Good, you got the shot?
The Stranger: Uhm yeah. But –
been worse, let’s go.
[ The Stranger carefully walks over
the security guard, mouthing the words “I’m so sorry” to him as
he stumbles forward following close behind Vega. It would appear
they’re inside of a hospital. While alternating betwee the front
and rear view cameras on his phone, The Stranger adjusts his
mask as he stops dead in his tracks to read the large warning
signs taped on both sides of the walls around them. Vega doesn’t
miss a beat as he kicks open the ward doors, switching back to
the rear camera we can see Vega dodging a number of nurses and
CNA’s as he makes a beeline towards the patients. ]
Cuh… Cuh…. Covid!? What’re you doing?!?!
[ The Stranger
keeps his distance, focusing on Vega as he seems to rubbing his
face into a patients face in the ward. Vega laps his tongue out
as the patient coughs directly into his mouth, and we can hear
The Stranger gag from behind the camera. The nurses and CNA’s
call for more security, although it doesn’t seem Vega is
attempting to harm any of the patients. He dusts himself off,
licks up some of the security guards blood from his matted beard
and saunters back towards The Stranger as the hospital staff
yell and scream for him to stop. ]
Dude! No! This isn’t funny!
[ The Stranger begins walking
backwards, his heavy breathing becoming a bit of a distraction
as Vega steps out towards him. ]
Vega: I’m a
living weapon, isn’t that what I’m supposed to be Jer? So bring
it on PWA!
[ Vega jovially points to the camera while
cracking his neck and lapping his tongue out like a panting dog.
The Madness is here! And I come baring the gift of coronavirus
for all the bad little boys and girls!
[ Vega’s laughter
is a howl as he pulls out a red “Make America Great Again” cap
from his back pocket, but the word America has been stitched
over with “The PWA”. ]
Vega: I’m a registered Republican, it’s what we
do! Now come, lover! It’s a long walk from Houston to the
[ Vega tries to grab The Stranger but he
trips, stumbles backwards and falls flat on his ass. As The
Stranger falls, the camera swings up and we can see a security
guard crack Vega across the back of his skull before the feed
Seldon vs Chuck Swindell
Time Limit: 15
Somebody in the back is
having a good laugh at Jacob’s expense as, instead of Incubus,
he enters to ‘The Joker’ by The Steve Miller Band. He spends the
entire walk to the ring shouting, “That’s not my fucking song!”,
but clearly nobody is paying any attention to him. In the ring
he makes a feeble attempt to stretch off before removing his
t-shirt to reveal a spectacular beer belly that gets a small
cheer and some cat calls from the fans. Shortly thereafter, ‘All
Nightmare Long’ by Metallica kicks up and brings out Chuck
Swindell who is, frankly, in fantastic shape and looking (if
possible) even bigger than when we saw him earlier. His uncle
Scott is at his side, beaming proudly, and takes up his position
on a chair at ringside but not before shouting up to Jacob that
he’s going to “fucking die tonight” – which Jacob would probably
respond to if he wasn’t too busy staring at Chuck who literally
steps over the ring ropes and starts to flex biceps that are the
size of small children. Referee Lance Weston starts to go over
the rules of the contest, waving aside Jacob’s pleas that this
is “madness”, before calling for the opening bell.
credit, Jacob doesn’t immediately try to run away. The two men
square off in the centre of the ring - though Jacob is squaring
off to Chuck’s nipple – and Chuck signals that he wants a test
of strength. Wisely, Jacob ignores this request and instead
swings a punch that connects squarely with Chuck’s jaw. It has
literally no effect. Jacob throws another. It also connects but
achieves exactly nothing. He goes for a third and this time
Chuck catches Jacob’s arm and uses it to lift him up over his
head and dump him onto the big man’s shoulders. When was the
last time you saw an airplane spin? Well, you get one tonight.
Swindell shows a real fleetness of foot as he spins Jacob faster
and faster before catapulting him off his shoulders and straight
into the corner post, leaving him in a crumpled heap on the mat.
After a few moments Jacob regains consciousness and shows a
modicum of self-preservation by trying to get back up to his
feet using the ring ropes. As he reaches a standing base he’s
met by Swindell who charges in and crushes him into the
turnbuckle with a big running splash. Chuck then fires the
beer-bellied veteran across the ring with an Irish whip, sending
him crashing into the other corner, before chasing him in for
another splash. He lets Jacob stagger out of the corner and then
comes in behind him to scoop him up and literally just throw him
at the canvas. Not much technique, but it really doesn’t matter.
He takes a step back and then leaps up in the air to deliver a
leg drop with so much force that looks like it should flatten
Jacob like in an old cartoon. At ringside, Uncle Swindell is
absolutely delighted and is whooping and cheering for his
Referee Lance Weston is checking to see if Jacob
is dead – he’s not, so the match continues. Chuck picks him up
off the canvas, from prone, and straight up into the air. Jacob
wakes up mid-lift and starts screaming and thrashing around, but
it does him no good. The giant walks over to the ropes and then
gorilla presses him over the top-rope and down to the outside.
Jacob curls up on the arena floor in the fetal position.
Swindell looks pleased with himself and starts to flex and pose
for the fans, who show him some love. Lance Weston starts the
count. Before he can reach five, however, Scott Swindell is up
on the apron talking to his nephew and clearly instructing him
that it’s not over. Chuck shrugs and rolls out of the ring to
gather up poor Jacob and roll him back under the bottom rope.
Jacob was clearly playing possum (or rather, playing the
coward, hoping to get counted out) and quickly starts to
scramble away across canvas. In his disorientation, however, he
reaches a corner rather than a rope and turns around just in
time to see Chuck advancing on him. He gets on his knees and
starts to beg and plead, but the big man is not ready to show
mercy. It looks bad for Jacob, but a keen observer should notice
that, though he’s begging, his hands are actually behind his
back and appear to be reaching into his trunks for something – a
pair of brass knuckles, which he slips on. As Chuck begins to
loom over him, Jacob is completely hidden from Lance Weston’s
view, an opportunity he uses to leap up and unleash a wild
haymaker. There is a loud crack and then… timberrrrrr… Chuck
falls back like a log and lands on his back on the canvas.
Jacob dives in and makes a cover…
Jacob is almost catapulted up in the air as Chuck presses
out of the pin. The fans are going crazy and Jacob looks like he
may have just urinated again on live television. He leaps up to
his feet and starts to back away slowly. Chuck shakes loose the
cobwebs, a small trickle of blood running down his forehead, and
then starts to climb – albeit woozily - to his feet. At this
moment, Jacob decides it’s time to come clean and runs over to
Lance Weston to show him the brass knuckles. Weston looks
confused, so Jacob leaves nothing to chance and – making sure
that the referee has a very clear view – literally throws
himself at Chuck with the knuckles, clubbing the big man back
down, and then giving him a couple more shots on the ground just
to be on the safe side.
for the bell and it’s pandemonium at ringside. Crew and security
rush to restrain Scott Swindell, who is apoplectic with rage.
Jacob doesn’t wait around to see if he’s done enough damage and
instead bails out of the ring and, frankly, just runs away with
the fans mocking him all the way. Somebody gets the music mixed
up and so we get ‘The Joker’ again, but it doesn’t really matter
because poor Chuck is not in any fit state to appreciate that
he’s won until he’s been checked out by the EMTs. It’s all very
unfair and you really do have to feel for the Swindell family.
From the Ashes he
[ For the second time tonight
“She’s Got Balls” by AC/DC hits the sound system and Tamika
Kalis walks out from behind the curtain to the glee of the fans.
Tamika carries two silk sacks in her hands as she is accompanied
by Lean Bean Miller with two as well. The fans are curious as
are the commentators watching at ringside. ]
Care to make a friendly wager what is in the silk bags carried
by Bean and Tamika?
Cara Townsend: No, I had a crippling gambling
addiction in freshman year that I don’t need to relive.
Gerry Essex: I
was only going to bet you a sandwich but ok, I understand. I was
the Bingo King of the Pacific North West, so I get it.
Cara looks at her broadcast partner curiously as Tamika and the
PWA’s most veteran employee have reached the ring with Eric
Emerson handing his microphone over to the boss lady of the PWA.
Her music stops as she addresses the crowd while Eric Emerson
and the time keeper set up podium stands behind her. ]
Tonight has been full of surprises we are just hitting the
halfway mark! Tonight being the return to television airwaves
and internet streaming of Wednesday Night CHAOS we’d expect it
be nothing but it’s name!
[ Cheap pop for the Queen. ]
So tonight I wanted to unveil in front of the fans here our
socially distanced attendance and the ones watching at home the
newly redesigned championships of the PIONEER WRESTLING
I know we had talked about it earlier this week in production
meetings but it wasn’t set in stone! This is so cool, Gerry!
Good thing for me you don’t gamble, I would be out a sandwich
[ Lean Bean Miller picks up the first bag
holding it open for Tamika. ]
Tamika Kalis: First, our brand new Tag
[ Handing the microphone back to Eric
Emerson to hold up for her she reaches into the silk sack and
pulls out the sterling silver and blue jeweled encrusted Tag
Team Championships. She holds up for the cheering crowd. ]
Oh Wow, Gerry! Those are beautiful!
Gerry Essex: I
am not surprised, the tag titles are near and dear to the hearts
of our bosses.
[ LBM holds up the next sack as Tamika
reveals the PWA Grizzly Beer Championship which gets a very loud
cheerful reaction as reminds fans of the former greats that have
held this esteemed title, especially Sirus Moran. ]
As a Canadian myself, I definitely approve of the gorgeous
leather strap and gold jeweled Grizzly Beer logo!
Gerry Essex: I
swear it’s like a Canadian invasion around here lately... in
Texas of all places.
Tamika Kalis: Of course up next we have the
beautiful Intercontinental Title where a new champion will be
decided two weeks from now live from right here on live on
[ Tamika pulls out the large and heavy PWA
Intercontinental Championship for the fans to see and Hunter
Sullivan and tonight’s main event winner to salivate over. She
places it neatly on stand next to other two championships
presented. You can see the excitement on Tamika’s face as she
gets ready to show off the World Championship. ]
Now this better be nice.
Cara Townsend: Something tells me it
[ Tamika unveils a gorgeous black leather
belt with a solid gold face with diamonds and blue sapphires
encrusted around it and it reads World Heavyweight Championship
with a blank name plate for the future champion. The crowd gives
their approval as do the commentators. ]
Now that’s a world championship wouldn’t you agree, Gerry?
Does a Pope shit in the woods?
Cara Townsend: I know the answer to that
is no but I also know you think the Pope does just that.
[ Before Tamika can speak the lights at the outdoor venue
abruptly go out. The ADCTron lights up featuring an old film
reel style countdown. ]
[ The numbers reach one and the screens go dark again. A few
seconds later, the heavenly sound of 1980s rock synthesizer
blasts out of the PA throughout the arena as "The Final
Countdown" starts to play. The crowd erupts and the lights come
back on. The Phoenix is at the top of the entrance way, head
back, clearly soaking it in. He's dressed more casually than
normal, wearing a Batman logo t-shirt and jeans. He milks it
several seconds past the point it becomes awkward and heads down
to the ring. He climbs the ringside stairs, wipes his feet, then
steps into the ring. He walks over to the new World title belt
and yanks it away from Tamika.]
Ah, I was wondering when you were going to get around to giving
this to me.
Kalis: What the hell is wrong with you? Maybe in
Chamelion’s PWA people got handed titles, but that’s not the
case in my PWA...
Phoenix: Well, the last time I checked I was the
PWA World champion. As far I recall, no one ever beat me for
this belt, so... I mean, unless you had other plans.
(interrupting) But the only way this title is going to have any
legitimacy at all is if it is around the Phoenix's waist. If
anyone else tried to lay claim to it, they'd just be a paper
champion. You know what they say, to be the man, you've got to
beat the man.
Essex: The Man has a point.
So do toothpicks.
Phoenix: (Turning to address the crowd for the
first time) You'll have to excuse me, where are my manners? For
all you window lickers out there that somehow don't know who I
am, you're looking at the living embodiment of the PWA. My name
is the Phoenix and I'm the most decorated wrestler in the
history of this company. I've held this belt more times than
anyone, and I've held it longer than anyone. If you look up the
PWA on wikipedia, you'll see my picture. Unless they changed my
edits. But that's not the point. The point is, if that woman (he
points at Tamika) has a shred of integrity in her body, she was
about to ask me to come out and accept this lovely new belt to
add to my collection.
Gerry Essex: I forgot how much I love this man!
Not as much as himself, I don’t think.
And to all the cake sniffers back in the locker room, your worst
nightmare has just come true. The Phoenix is back and it is
going to take an act of Congress to get this belt out of my
hands. And as long as Mitch McConnell is in charge, we all know
there's not a damn thing getting out of the Senate, so what I'm
trying to get at it, I'm going to be the champion until the heat
death of the universe.
Tamika Kalis: Wait a minute. That's just a whole
lot... And you had an intro video and the stuff with the lights?
What the hell?
Phoenix: I mean, just because you're the new
owners doesn't mean I don't know all the people working here.
You slip the right people a few bucks and they'll flip a light
switch or two. And now... (he looks at his wrist that is display
a decided lack of a watch) I've got to run.
heads out of the ring and up the entrance way and disappears
Kalis: Well, that wasn't exactly what I had
[She's interrupted again the lights go out
(again). Several seconds later, Sabotage by the Beastie Boys
starts to play. The crowd cheers, but more because they've
basically been conditioned to do that than because they know
what's going on. The lights come back up and Rob Robinson walks
out wearing a Wizarding World of Harry Potter t-shirt and cargo
shorts. He's following by Scottie "The Panther" Snow, who is
carrying a briefcase. They head to the ring, up the stairs, and
through the ropes.]
Tamika Kalis: (Shaking her head slightly with
narrowed eyes) Really? You really had to do that?
I'm not sure I follow. I've got a little business we need to
Right...... And to do that, you had to go backstage, do some
quick change bullshit, and then have your music play so you
could walk back out here again?
Yeah, I really don't know what you're talking about. What I do
know, is whatever nonsense you're talking doesn't have anything
to do with the business at hand.
(Throwing up her hands in exasperation) Ok, fine. Fine. What?
What the hell is it?
Rob Robinson: You know, I feel like I never got
the respect that I deserved as a businessman.
I should have known. Nothing is ever quick and easy with you, is
(ignoring Tamika) I mean, I only founded the PWA and single
handedly built it into the premier wrestling promotion in the
world. I invented Genesis, Who's the Man, Summer Sizzler, and
Xmas at Ground Zero. I invented the Battle Dome and London's
Burning matches. I had the PWA Dome built. I was the creator and
main host of PWA Radio. And that was back when podcasting was
still new and Joe Rogan and Marc Maron hadn't started their
shows. I'm a visionary. In fact, it wouldn't be over the line to
call me a genius.
Essex: Genius indeed. That’s why The Phoenix and
him are friends!
Townsend: Wait, not you too? Oh man...
Is this going somewhere?
Rob Robinson: You bet it is. You see,
even in my final days owning this company, I still managed to
exercise my business genius. For example, in the sales contract,
I made sure to get rights of first refusal if you ever decide to
sell the company. I made sure there was a clause making sure
that the Phoenix would be in every single PWA video game from
now until the end of time. And frankly, that's going to make the
game sell about a million extra copies, so you're welcome. I
made sure to get free tickets to every PWA event and I get to
keep my luxury box in the PWA in perpetuity. I even made sure
that my buddy the Phoenix gets to continue having a private
Kalis: That all cost me basically nothing, so
I'm not really seeing the "genius" part here.
(Smiling a very disturbing smile, much like the Grinch) Oh, I'm
getting to that. You see, I came out here because I want to tell
you to have the first delivery sent to my autumn residence.
Ok, first off, "Autumn residence"? Second, what shipment?
Kalis: The shipment of Yoohoo?
I feel like I say this every time I have to talk to you, but
what the hell are you talking about?
I know you've got a lot on your mind, but don't tell me you've
forgotten. You are legally obligated to provide me with a
lifetime supply of Yoohoo. I just wanted to tell you where to
have the first truckload sent.
Tamika Kalis: A lifetime supply of
Yoohoo? Like hell, not even my husband has that kind of money.
You can't weasel out of it now. If you do, then the sales
contract is null and void, I get the PWA back, plus I get to
keep 95% of the purchase price as a penalty for breach of
Breach of contract? What?
Rob Robinson: Yeah, the contract we both
signed where I sold you the PWA? I told you I was a business
genius. You really should have reviewed that contract better.
I read that entire contract and the word "Yoohoo" isn't in there
one damn time!
Robinson: Check out pages 327 through 330.
Tamika: Dammit, Rob. Fine, after the show I'll do that, just
to shut you up.
Robinson: No, no, no. Let's go ahead and get
this taken care of now. Scottie?
[Scottie opens up the
briefcase and hands Rob a massive pile of papers. Robinson flips
through the pages until he gets to page 327, then hands the
massive file to Tamika.]
Tamika Kalis: "This page intentionally
left blank." They all say that. Ok, so?
Read that again, but look more carefully this time.
"This page intentionally left"... "blanco"? "This page
intentionally left white"? What does that even mean?
Go ahead and touch the page.
Tamika Kalis: What? Why? What did you do
to it? Did you lick it?
Rob Robinson: What? No. Just touch it.
Why are there bumps on it?
Rob Robinson: That, my dear, is Braille.
Honestly, I can't believe you didn't notice that before, but
then again, you are a business novice. Here's some free advice,
honey. First, fire your lawyer because he really dropped the
ball on this one. Second, get yourself a blind lawyer that can
read those pages and have them explain all the details and your
legal requirements. But in the meantime, like I said before,
send the first two trucks to my autumn residence and then I'll
have to let you know where to send the shipments next week. I
may be heading to my mid-autumn residence, but I haven't decided
[Robinson takes the contract out of the hands of the
stunned Tamika and he and Scottie Snow head backstage.]
Apparently we should’ve hired Matt Murdock.
Wow, can he legally do that?
Gerry Essex: Well, it looks like he did.
[ Tamika doesn’t look very pleased as her unveiling got
ruined and is sore from being Robinson’ed. ]
Kalis vs Vega
Leadership of the Order qualifying match
Time Limit: 15 Minutes
Eric Emerson: The following match is a qualifier
for the mantle of leadership of The Order of Chaos!
“Bang!(AhhHaa Remix)” by AJR featuring Hayley Kiyoko begins to
blare over the sound system.
Eric Emerson: Introducing first! She
stands 5’10” and weighing in tonight at 140lbs!
your best face on, everybody!(
)Pretend you know this song,
)Come hang, let’s go out with a bang!(
)BANG! BANG! BANG!(
Maya jumps out from behind the curtains and raises
her arms up, her gaze shooting left and right, up and down as
she soaks in the roaring cheers from the crowd.
too young to lie here forever(
)I’m way too old to try, so
)Come hang, let’s go out with a bang!(
down to the ring and slides in, raising her hands like guns and
mouthing the words “Bang! Bang! Bang!” to the song. She begins
to stretch as her theme music dies down.
And now, her opponent…
“Rock The Casbah” by The Clash
begins to blare over the sound system as The Stranger steps out
from behind the curtain with a microphone in hand. The crowd
seems a little confused, as does Maya in the ring as the music
immediately begins to die down.
Listen guys, I’m really sorry but Vega has been barred from
entering the area because he exposed himself to a bunch of
COVID19 patients earlier today.
The crowd boos, and the
Stranger motions for them to calm down – which certainly doesn’t
Stranger: Listen, even if the PWA was going to
allow him to compete tonight despite that stupid stunt, he got
arrested by Houston PD soon after we filmed that segment so he
wouldn’t be able to make it here anyway.
Maya grabs Eric
Emerson’s microphone from his hand.
Maya: So come
fight me in your boyfriends place.
The crowd roars with
approval at Maya’s idea.
Cara Townsend: Now it’s no secret to
anyone that The Stranger is Jeremy Gold in a mask. The same
Jeremy Gold who used to be Simon Kalis’ agent.
Yeah the same Jeremy Gold who’s a complete and utter coward.
Maya motions for The Stranger to enter the ring with her.
Let’s give these folks a show!
[ The Stranger drops the
microphone from his hand and nods, he begins making a rush
towards the ring. ]
DING DING DING
[ The Stranger
jumps up onto the apron and then flips forward, over the top
rope and into the ring. He charges straight for Maya who snaps
back and then forward, the heel of her left foot connecting
straight into The Stranger’s chin as his head audibly snaps
back. The Stranger hits the canvas, and Maya stomps down on his
neck before dropping to her knees and covering, thus completing
her finishing move Perdition! ]
DING DING DING
The winner of this match and advancing, Maya Kalis!
“Bang!” begins to play again as Maya rips The Stranger’s mask
off and slaps him across the face several times, trying to wake
him up. It would appear however, he is out cold.
That was almost as crazy fast as the opening match tonight!
It sure was! I am curious to how this will all play out!
As I am sure the PWA universe is as well, Gerry! Up next we our
collosal tag team match but first a word from our sponsors!
SNS/Mad Max vs.
Meghan Kelser/Izzie McDee
Tag Team Match
Time Limit: 15
[ As we come back from the
commercial break all four competitors in the Meghan clotheslines
SNS over the top rope and to the outside right away surprising
the big man that quickly and herself to considering the height
difference. Izzie connects with lefts and rights on Mad Max
sending her to the ropes. Meghan joins in and together they whip
Mad Max to the other side. Mad Max hits the ropes, and as she
comes bouncing off she hits a jumping clothesline sending both
Meghan and Izzie down to the mat. Izzie rolls out of the ring,
leaving Meghan by herself in the ring with Mad Max. Mad Max up
to her feet as well is Meghan. Meghan connects with a left, only
to get one back in return from Mad Max. Mad Max drives a knee to
Meghan midsection and connects with a twisting snap mare take
down. Mad Max up to her feet and goes for a leg drop, but Meghan
moves out of the way quickly. Meghan hops up to her feet as does
Mad Max, Meghan leg sweeps Mad Max off her feet and Meghan leaps
off the middle rope into a lionsault but Mad Max gets her knees
up and Meghan lands on them. ]
Gerry Essex: Meghan and Mad Max going at
it back and forth here to start out the match.
It’s protégé versus mentor in this tag team match.
Don’t forget it’s stock full of daddy issues as well.
Mad Max bounces off the ropes and connects with a flying elbow
off the middle rope onto Meghans chest. Mad Max applies a
chokehold on her. Meghan struggles and breaks free of the hold.
Mad Max up to her feet and pulls Meghan up with her. Mad Max
goes to whip him into the corner, but Meghan reverses it and Mad
Max hits the corner hard. SNS cheers on Mad Max in his corner
only to get a monster right from Meghan, sending him off the
apron and down to the ground below. Mad Max comes out of the
corner and lands a right on Meghan, sending her to the ropes.
Mad Max then connects with a drop kick sending Meghan over the
top rope and to the ground below. Mad Max quickly leaps up to
the top turnbuckle as Meghan gets up to her feet. Mad Max leaps
off into a double ax handle, but Meghan sees her and hits a
Townsend: Holy Shit!
Holy shit is right! Meghan hit that kick so hard, the impact was
heard miles away!
Townsend: I think the impact of that gave me
[ SNS realizing his partner is in trouble,
grabs Meghan and rams her head into the side of the ring. He
then connects with a knee to the midsection and throws Meghan
back inside the ring. Izzie slaps the turnbuckle, asking for the
tag. SNS helps Mad Max up to her feet and slides her in the
ring. Meghan gets up to her feet as Mad Max slowly gets up to
her own. Meghan comes at Mad Max, but before she could, Mad Max
tags SNS and quickly slides out of the ring. SNS steps in only
to get a series of lefts and rights from the angry daughter of
his. SNS comes back with some of his own, sending Meghan to the
mat. Izzie is yelling at Meghan to make the tag, but she's not
listening as she has entered rage mode. SNS grabs Meghan by the
head and locks on a sleeperhold. Meghan fights the hold, but
can't power her way out of it. Meghan does power her way up to
her feet only to have SNS release the hold, set Meghan up and
hit a belly to back suplex, sending Meghan to the mat. ]
Scott Nash Strader with the in ring experience and power to
Townsend: He might have the in ring experience,
but come on, this is Meghan we're talking about, that doesn't
mean nything. She knows everything her father knows plus what
she learned in her own career.
Gerry Essex: I don't know. SNS plays it
smart, right now Meghan is doing everything on her own. She
needs to tag in Izzie.
Cara Townsend: You are right, she is letting her
rage get the best of her.
[ SNS gets up to his feet as he
grabs Meghan and pulls her up as well. He pushes her back into
the his teams corner, where Mad Max holds Meghan by the arms.
SNS then comes at her with left and right knees into the
midsection. He then goes for a right to the head of Meghan but
Meghan spits in his face and SNS backs away, wiping the spit
off. SNS turns around to get a boot to his face as Mad Max is
still holding on to Meghans arms. SNS turns back around and
Meghan goes for another boot, but SNS grabs her leg, grabs his
other leg and he yanks on them, causing Meghan to hit the mat,
flat on her back. SNS goes for a Boston crab, but Meghan kicks
him in the back getting the hold released. Meghan gets up to her
feet, but SNS grabs her and whips her across the other side
close to Meghan’s corner. As Meghan bounces off the ropes, Izzie
reaches out and tags herself in. Meghan bounces off the ropes
and SNS scoops her up and hits a powerful SPINEBUSTER! ]
WOW! Powerful Spinebuster there on Meghan!
Strader better watch out because here comes Izzie!
SNS gets up to his feet, he is met by a clothesline from Izzie
sending him down to the mat. As SNS goes down, Mad Max enters
the ring and she sends Izzie down to the mat, with a flying drop
kick from the top rope. Mad Max up to her feet, grabs Izzie and
whips her across the ring. Izzie bounces off the ropes and stops
short of the head bowed Mad Max. Izzie connects with an kneeling
uppercut, sending Mad Max down to the mat. Izzie is quickly
turned around as SNS is back to his feet and lays out McDee with
a Scotch Valley Driver. ]
Meghan makes the save as Max tries to block it but is too late!
Mad Max makes her way over to her corner as does Meghan rather
reluctantly. SNS gets up to his feet as does Izzie recovering
quickly from the impact move and pin attempt. SNS sets Izzie up
and hits a vertical suplex. SNS quickly up to his feet, Izzie
again, right behind him. SNS hits her with a left, and Izzie
comes back with several of her own sending him back to the
ropes. Izzie goes for a clothesline, but SNS ducks underneath
it. Meghan jumps up on the ropes and starts yelling at SNS.
Strader comes over, Meghan grabs him and snaps SNS neck down on
the top rope. SNS whips back to the middle of the ring. Izzie
grabs SNS and locks on a crossface chicken wing. SNS fights it
but can't. Mad Max enters the ring and drives a boot to the face
of Izzie. Meghan quickly enters and Mad Max sends him down to
the mat with a clothesline. Mad Max slides Meghan out of the
ring and she places SNS on Izzie for the pin attempt. ]
Gerry Essex: Scott Nash Strader and Mad Max are
definitely a pretty good team.
Cara Townsend: I think Meghan and Izzie
could if the boss could manage her emotions a bit better with
her veteran experience.
[ Mad Max goes over to her corner
as SNS gets up to his feet he makes his way over to his corner
and he tags in Max. Mad Max quickly goes up to the top
turnbuckle as Izzie makes her way up to her feet. Mad Max leaps
off connecting with a flying hurricarhana off the top rope.
Sending Izzie to the mat. Meghan gets up to the corner, Mad Max
comes charging at her and sends her down with a drop kick. Izzie
gets up to her feet as Mad Max turns around. Mad Max leaps off
the top rope connecting with a moonsault on the standing Izzie,
sending her down to the mat. Mad Max gets up to her feet and
proceeds to choke out Izzie. She then unloads in a series of
lefts and rights. Izzie tries to defend herself but Mad Max is
too fast to stop her. Mad Max gets up to her feet as Izzie lays
motionless in the ring. Mad Max gets up to the top rope and goes
for a frog splash, but Izzie moves out of the way and Mad Max
hits the mat. ]
Townsend: If she landed that, this could’ve been
Quite possibly, Cara.
[ Izzie gets up to her feet and
brings Mad Max up with her. She whips her to the ropes near the
corner, Meghan trips her up and Mad Max hits the mat. Izzie
comes over and pulls Mad Max up to her feet. Izzie grabs her but
Mad Max uses the ropes and bulldogs Izzie to the mat. Mad Max
down, as is Izzie. Izzie makes a move and pins Mad Max. ]
[ SNS jumps in and makes the save.
Meghan jumps in the ring and she sends SNS down to the mat with
a powerful thrust kick to the side. Meghan the pulls SNS up to
his feet and whips him out of the ring, near the announcers
table. Meghan slides out of the ring as Izzie gets up to her
feet. She pulls Mad Max up to her and connects with atomic drop.
She then connects with a series of lefts and rights on Mad Max.
On the outside, Meghan rams SNS head into the steel steps. ]
You were right Cara, the bosses letting her emotions dictatet
Townsend: The Cowgirls were always known for
staying cool in heated match situations but it’s like Meghan has
thrown it out the window!
Gerry Essex: Daddy issues!
Izzie pulls Mad Max up to her feet and rams her into the corner.
She then follows up with a series of shoulder thrusts into the
midsection. Mad Max falls to the mat. On the outside Meghan
pulls SNS up and places him on the announcers table. Gerry Essex
and Cara Townsend clear out of the area. Izzie connects with a
drop kick into the face of Mad Max, sending her all the way down
to the mat. Meghan climbs up to the ring and up to the top
turnbuckle SNS lays motionless on the announcers table as Meghan
hits a FROGSPLASH causing it to splinter with her body laying
mangled on the wreckage as SNS had rolled out of the way. Inside
the ring Mad Max grabs Izzie and sends her to the ropes, Izzie
bounces back and ducks under a attempted clothesline, but as
Izzie ducks she hits the LIPSTICK ON THE COLLAR! SNS slides in
the ring and Izzie sends Strader outside the ring with a missile
drop kick. She turns around and covers Mad Max. ]
Your winners, the team of Meghan Kelser and Izzie
Gerry Essex: Who wasn’t a winner was our
Townsend: That it definitely was not.
The fans and commentators take in the carnage at ringside as the
ring crew sweep down to ringside to clean up the mess as Izzie
helps her partner to the backstage area as Scott does the same
for his young partner. ]
Lisa Seldon vs Mystery Opponent
Time Limit: 20 Minutes
Our main event begins with the dulcet tones of Jack Off
Jill as former AOWF Champion and all-round ass-kicking machine
Lisa Seldon comes out to a huge roar from the fans. She might be
wondering who her opponent is for tonight, but she doesn’t let
it show and saunters down to the ring, beaming a smile as she
takes her time with it. Never breaking her stride she hops up
onto the apron, leans back to shoot a wink into the nearest
camera and then hops up over the ropes. Once in the ring she can
be heard to ask Lance Watson, “who the fuck is it, then?” but
she doesn’t have to wait long.
Suddenly, the opening of
‘Subtle Hustle’ by Clutch plays and those familiar with what
that song means let out as close to a roar of excitement as the
small crowd is capable of. Two men in Hoodies and face masks
emerge from the entry way and kneel on either side of it.
[ A third hooded figure emerges though his hoodie seems to
have assorted medals on it as if he is the ‘highest ranking’ of
the hooded individuals. This ‘Hoodie General’ unzips his hoodie
and opens it to reveal…
The ‘I’m Johnny Maverick’ World
Heavyweight Championship. ]
Cara Townsend: Wow! Johnny Maverick!
And here I thought he was busy being a traitor in the BWF!
[ The mask comes off and flanked on either side by a pair of
Hoodie Ninja’s, Johnny is handed a microphone and his music dies
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen and everything in between.
Friends, neighbors, and your neighbor’s friends. Fellow glorious
vibrations in the mind of the one true God whose name is Love…
Do not adjust the contents of your ocular face holes, it is I!
The Sexy Psychic Savior of the Suplex. The man who perfected the
armbar and then made it perfecter. Clean, Sober, but still
getting kicked out of Red Lobster’s. It’s Johnny Maverick! I
was, and I am not making this part up, INVITED back to the PWA
by the new management and I only had TWO conditions for my
signing. The first being...well it’s so obvious I don’t know why
I’m even bringing it up but I asked for a YEAR ROUND supply of
Boo Berry because quite frankly I stopped doing heroin and the
only thing that curbs the occasional craving I still get is
ghost-themed cereal. The second caveat? That Lisa Seldon and I
get the chance to beat the living piss shit out of each other
for no real reason and well… enough talking from me. Hashtag N G
U N S N R, Hashtag Blessed, LET US DO FIGHT.
tosses the microphone aside and the Hoodie Ninja to his left
catches it. The one on the right takes out a mouthguard and
places it in Johnny‘s mouth. Johnny struts down to the ring and
hops up on the apron. From the apron he blows a kiss to Lisa
before smiling to reveal the words ‘PUNCH ME’ are written on his
mouth guard. With Maverick inside the ring, the referee checks
both competitors over and calls for the bell. ]
[ Straight from the off, it’s clear this is going
to be a close contest. Maverick and Seldon spend some time
sizing each other up, before Maverick goes in for a
collar-and-elbow tie-up, this is refused by Lisa who instead
throws a swift kick, caught by Maverick who then hooks the leg
and looks for a fisherman’s suplex, blocked by Lisa who keeps
herself planted and then starts to deliver jumping knee strikes
with her free leg. Maverick is forced to release the hold and
Lisa hits the ropes coming back with a flying leg lariat, ducked
by Maverick and she hits the ground into a roll back to her
feet, Maverick runs to the ropes himself and comes back looking
for a clothesline but telegraphs it and Lisa drops down allowing
him to run over before popping back up and going for an arm
drag. Mav plants his feet and steps around to take her over with
an arm drag of his own, but she catches him on the way down and
rolls-up him for a one-count. Maverick kicks loose and both roll
back to their feet for a round of applause from the fans. ]
It’s only her second night back, but she’s seems to be evenly
I remember when Lisa was my boss as when I got my first
producing gig. She was insane to work for but much better than
[ They go in again for another collar-and-elbow
but this time Maverick throws a quick and dirty knee to the gut
that bends Lisa up. He slaps on a side headlock and leans into
it. Lisa struggles for some time and then manages to struggle
free and push Maverick off into the ropes. She looks for a
dropkick on the return, but Johnny grabs the ropes to stop
himself and she lands on the canvas. He moves in quickly to
capitalise before Lisa can reach a standing base, but she throws
some sharp elbows to the mid-section as he tries to pull her
back up and then hooks and takes him over with a snap suplex.
Maverick is quickly back up but Lisa stays on the offensive and
throws him over with another snap suplex. She goes in again for
a third, but this time Maverick manages to lock his feet and
reverse, taking her up and then stalling her in mid-air before
falling back with a textbook suplex of his own. He’s straight
back up on his feet to do some posing and let the crowd know,
“that’s how you do a suplex, baby!” ]
Hell of a suplex, no wonder he’s the “I’m Johnny Maverick World
Townsend: Yes Gerry, because he totally didn’t
give it too himself.
Gerry Essex: I heard he pinned every hoodie
ninja for it.
[ Maverick continues on the attack, laying
the boot in as Lisa tries to get back up. She manages to fight
her way to her feet, however, and starts answering his kicks
with some elbows and chops of her own. Pretty soon they are toe
to toe trading blows in the middle of the ring and getting big
heat from the crowd. The tide turns in Lisa’s favour and, seeing
an opening, she throws a high kick. Again, Maverick catches it,
but this time Lisa follows up immediately with an enziguri to
the back of the head that drops him to his knees. She hits the
ropes and comes back with a running knee that connects. Lisa
drops down for the cover… ]
Maverick kicks out. He looks a little dazed, but shakes it off
and starts to get back to his feet. Lisa gives him no quarter
and starts throwing stiff kicks to the body. Maverick looks like
he won’t make it back up but then suddenly throws himself at
Lisa with a lariat that bowls her over. With Lisa down, Maverick
rolls to the outside and takes a minute to come to his senses
and discuss strategy in a quick team huddle with his Hoodie
Ninjas. Pretty soon Lisa is starting to get back up, however, so
Mav breaks the huddle and leaps back onto the apron. As Lisa
reaches her feet, Maverick dives through the ropes landing a
huge spear. He covers… ]
[ Only two. He looks over at the Hoodie Ninjas who
both shrug and encourage him to keep going. He clearly takes
this as “do it again” and climbs out onto the apron to wait for
Lisa to get back up. Maverick hops up and goes for another
flying clothesline, but this was not a good call as Lisa shows
impressive ring awareness and manages to catch him mid-fall with
a double-knee facebreaker that gets a huge pop from the fans.
She covers… ]
Maverick just gets a shoulder up in time. The Hoodie Ninjas
look, understandably, concerned and a disagreement appears to
break out about who advised Maverick to go for another
clothesline. Meanwhile, Lisa drags Johnny to the middle of the
ring and climbs up onto the top turnbuckle, sizing him up for
something airborne and devastating. Just as she’s about to take
flight she finds herself held down by whichever Hoodie Ninja
lost the disagreement and was forced to intervene. The referee
intervenes and tries to break it up but the hapless Hoodie has
Lisa’s leg held pretty tight, so Lisa starts elbowing him in the
top of the head. It takes a few good hits, but he finally lets
See that’s the brilliance of Johnny and his ninjas.
Brilliance is a strong word. Did you hear he has a raccoon
acting as his agent in BWF?
[ The Hoodie’s plan isn’t so
stupid as it seems, though, as it gives Johnny time to get back
to his feet and he suddenly interjects himself, crashing into
everyone. The referee takes a bump, the Hoodie tumbles off the
apron, and Lisa very nearly falls down to the arena floor but
manages to drop to a seated position on the turnbuckle. Maverick
is straight on her, throwing a few shots, as she slips down, as
he runs to the other turnbuckle and returns back with a huge
splash as she falls forward from the impact. He hooks the leg as
he rolls over onto her back…]
Cara Townsend: Oh man, referee is down!
[ … But, of course, the referee is down like Cara points
out, so that gets him nowhere. Maverick doesn’t look best
pleased by this realisation and is up on his feet to berate the
Hoodie Ninjas at ringside. They all begin to argue and blame one
another again and pretty soon a small scuffle has broken out,
with Johnny trying to adjudicate from over the ropes. At the
same time two ring assistants are working to revive the referee,
who didn’t sign up for this at all. Lisa, meanwhile, has
recovered and is up on her feet waiting for Maverick to turn
around. The Hoodie Ninja imbroglio finally comes to an end, with
everyone hugging it out, except Maverick who looks thoroughly
disappointed and turns away in disgust… right into a roundhouse
kick from Lisa that nearly takes his head off. She covers… ]
Wait Cara, let me guess... referee down?
Gerry, kindly shut your face hole.
… But the referee is
still down! The crowd starting counting the pin. Our ring
assistants have resorted to slapping and shaking him and he
finally comes around. He shakes his head, looks at his watch,
and then suddenly pushes the assistants aside and leaps to his
feet to call for the bell. ]
everyone a moment to figure out what’s happened, but Eric
Emerson is quick to introduce a reason why. ]
Due to running past not only the match limit but TV time as well
this match has been declared a draw!
[ This doesn’t
please anyone as this match was supposed to name a contender for
the IC championship. Lisa starts to argue with the referee,
Maverick is soon back to his feet and arguing with the Hoodie
Ninjas who are then once again arguing with each other. Somebody
from the crowd throws a can of Diet Mountain Dew that splatters
against the plexiglass protecting the ring. It’s chaos. Get it,
Chaos? Wednesday Night Cha--… Forget it. ]
People are upset we don’t have a opponent for Hunter Sullivan
next week! Things are getting rowdy outside the walls!
FLYING DIET MOUNTAIN DEWS EVERYWHERE!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
[ Gerry runs past the ring and everyone in it flailing his
arms like Kermit the Frog. The camera pans back to Cara’s
shocked and partially confused face. ]
Cara Townsed: Is
it just me or did he get weirder as the night went on? Anyways,
we hope you enjoyed the craziness that was first Chaos in over
half a decade and we will see you on September 23rd of the next
edition of WEDNESDAY NIGHT CHAOS!!!!
[ The show fades to
the PWA logo as the Chaos inside the ring continues. ]