Presents...

Live From the Strader Estate Outside Houston, Texas 'Murica
September 9th 2020

[ Our broadcast opens up in the makeshift backstage area similar to that of High Stakes on the 23rd to the door marked PWA Owners names but we only see the General Manager Tamika Kalis: No matter what they say, life is better when you have a little.... Chaos! [ This gets a cheap pop from the fans in attendance as well as from massive speakers that have been set up on the main stage but that’s all background noise to the people watching from their devices and televisions as the socially distancing fans in attendance watch on the ADCtron. Tamika smiles from behind her oak desk and simple black leather chair. Tamika Kalis: First things first... welcome to my home, PWA Universe and I mean that literlly as we are coming to you LIVE unlike others but only with the utmost care and safety. Ok, so I have a few things that I need to talk about... number one being where that extra fan noise is coming from! [ That familiar sneer comes across her face as she points down to her desk as we switch to a shot of the Chaos set that has been built for the foreseeable future and we see that right under where she’s pointing while broadcasting on the big screen are exta large speakers set up and we move to shots of smaller speakers set up around the guardrails. ] Tamika Kalis: Now before the show started the PWA app, available on iTunes and GooglePlay, sent out a notification to the fans that they could help interact right from the safety of their homes during this unprecedented time in the history of the human race! It’s very simple, on your smartphones you can tap one of the two buttons that will appear on your screen to either boo or cheer! [ The fans give a pop and obviously fans watching from home add to the pop through the speakers. Tamika smiles to herself on her idea. ] Tamika Kalis: Secondly, I have to address the empty chairs out there at ringside. [ The fans at home and attending make their displeasure known. ] Tamika Kalis: I know, it was a unfortunate turn of events after a successful return to the airwaves. Jon and Brian have both entered a rehabilitation centre specifically chosen by me to not only get of their bad habits out of their lives but help actually help rehabilitate into society. So best of luck to both men but that leaves us without commentators and it’s a position that is of the highest importance as the PWA is here to entertain the fans. Please let me introduce you to the new voices of the Pioneer Wrestling Association however just before I do Meghan had mentioned that maybe we should hire two people that were unknowns in commentary circle. We considered Extreme Warrior, Scott Sable, Teresa Q, Re:Coil, NightStryker, but we want to bring something that is PWA quality and remaining new at the same time. It’s a difficult situation but I am proud to introduce Cara Townsend and Gerry Essex, two people from our own ranks within the company! [ A pretty young woman walks out dressed very tasteful in a black pants suit beside a older gentlemen with platinum blonde hair, a devils smile and powdered blue suit and tie. The wave to the fans as they are welcomed by them. Our screen is just backstage again as the commentators took their seats, and Tamika leans forward with excitement in her eyes. ] Tamika Kalis: Ladies, gentlemen, non binary identifying individuals... it is my absolute pleasure to welcome you back to... [ Her sneer intensifies as her hands go and slam down on the desk. ] Tamika Kalis: WEDNESDAY NIGHT CHAOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ The PWA logo flashes across our screens as the new Chaos theme song ‘Lust for Life’ by Iggy Pop begins to play and we can hear the fans in attendance cheering as the cameras pan around the make shift venue that’s ultimately the same as it was for High Stakes but even safer due to the private nature of the Strader family estate. ] Here comes Johnny Yen again [ A Shot of smiling Lisa Seldon standing over a laid out Riona Langly and that just makes everyone happy With the liquor and drugs A shot of Jacob Figgins holding the PWA Grizzly Beer title high up in the air after a match. And a flesh machine A shot of Vega drinking what must be his own urine He's gonna do another strip tease A shot of Scott Nash Strader holding up the PWA World Title being attacked from behind Matthew ‘The Virus’ Engel [ Pyro’s shoot off out of the ring posts and all up the ramp to a massive silver, blue and red firework shoot off up into the sky lighting it up bright as the sun is mostly set. ] Hey man, where'd you get that lotion? A shot of Adrian and Simon Kalis signing their official contracts back in 2009 with the Chaos brand I've been hurting since I bought the gimmick A shot of Showtime being awarded the AOWF World Heavyweight Championship About something called love Yeah, something called love A shot of The Viper and Jacob Figgins from their tag team days together Well, that's like hypnotizing chickens A final shot of the Cowgirls From Hell sneering on our screens, as the cameras the pan around the excited fans in attendance and the speakers all around the outdoor venue blare cheers out of them from the fans at home as the cameras settle on the new commentary team of Gerry Essex and Cara Townsend. ] Cara Townsend: Welcome to Wednesday Night Chaos everybody. I’m Cara Townsend, beside me? My wonderful colleague, Gerald Essex! Gerry Essex: Please, please, call me Gerry, Cara. You are right welcome back everyone! We can both tell you a lot of work went into building not just this outdoor venue that is in protocol with social distancing practices and mandates. Cara Townsend: That’s right, Gerry! We have one heck of a card for with The Viper taking on The Virus! Gerry Essex: You remember I said to you backstage at High Stakes when we were producers that I could smell bad blood coming between Engel and Sullivan. I was right, wasn’t I? Cara Townsend: You do have a way of predicting things, as the PWA universe will learn over time! When we return, Sullivan! Masked Lard! Don’t touch that dial!                                                         Commercial Break Are you tired of Vasectomies that just don’t work? Tired of constantly needing to manscape because you never know when that operation is going to reverse and give Scott Nash Strader a run for his money on future child support? Well look no further! Vasectomy’R’Us are your go to specialists all things concerning your uretha! In fact, we can help diagnose those pee crystals, sooth that burning you have had since your night out at the Steel Mill Gentlemen gentlemens club with a fresh mint, and we even off a guarantee that if our vasectomy fails you and you end up being on the hook for future child support payments (or maybe a one night with a first cousin) not only we return the 3 easy payments of $29.95 we also cover the first 5 years of that terrible mistakes child support! 1-800-FXBALLS! That toll free number again is 1-800-392-2557! Book your appointment today! Responsibility free adulthood is just a phone call away! Hunter Sullivan vs The Masked Lard Singles Match Time Limit: 15 Minutes Gerry Essex: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen! We had to cut to commercial break like we did because of how long it takes Lardy boy up in the ring to get down to ringside! Cara Townsend: Gerry that’s rude. The Masked Lard does have feelings you know. Gerry Essex: Yeah you are right... he can usually feel where his next meal is coming from in the form of a notification on a food delivery app. Cara Townsend: Wow, Gerry. Have you ever heard the tale of the pot and the kettle? "Oh these are the most beautiful-est things I have never seen..." [ A bass, distorted and twisted, is strummed with depravity. ] "I will Sh*t on them!" [ With such gaudy cacophony the entrance way illuminates with white rapidly flashing strobe-lights and smoke, The latter of which is propelled with such vehement ferocity you can hear it squeal through Owen McMahon's gnarling bass. ] Eric Emerson: Introducing from beautiful St. Johns, Newfoundland Canada.... weighing in at two HUNDRED and Twenty Seven pounds! A timed drum fill precedes a guttural dissonant guitar and violent snare hits that embrace a sloppy but passionate performance. The energy is high as Sullivan vibrantly runs out from behind the pummeling smoke. A genuine excitement exudes from Hunters gesturing, pacing back and forth on the stage, engaging with the crowd. "BLACKHOUSE!" Eric Emerson: He is Hunter SULLIVAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A kin to Sullivan's multitude of performances on bar stages and decks in front of passionate music fanatics, he returns the crowds energy here in PWA. Exuding the aura of rockstar, Hunter embraces the warm welcome with a broad and sincere smile. The former Viper descends the ramp in smooth motions, thanking fans and pointing at any sign along the way with his namesake. From ramp-way to matting, Sullivan jerks himself up onto the ring apron in a swift motion, stepping through the middle rope and embracing the ring. ] Gerry Essex: It’s too bad I don’t even think this Ranch, estate, ridiculously large piece of land the bosses has ever had a cow on it... Cara Townsend: I am 100 AF certain I will regret asking why that is but screw it might as live in the moment! Gerry Essex: Well the smell on this warm night would just remind him of home and give him that sense of ease. [ While Cara shakes her head at ringside at her colleagues insensitive remarks The Masked Lard who sweats profusely on a cold night is definetly feeling the early September Texas heat but the air is already starting to cool off bumps fists with Hunter Sullivan in a show of sportsmanship. DING DING DING! Gerry Essex: Wonder how long this is going to - - - - - Cara Townsend: VIPER SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ The stunned crowd and the newest Zebra of the PWA, Michelle Attwood, look in astonishment as she drops to count the pinned Lard. ONE TWO THREE!!!! The fans hardly have a time to respond as the Masked Lard lays confused, motionless, and at the sky. It seems The Viper has struck again, soaring out of his corner with an immediate and aptly named, Viper Snap. The match is shorter than the entrance that preceded it and Hunter immediately gets his hands on a microphone. ] Gerry Essex: Looks we are going to try and fill some airtime with some hot air! Cara Townsend: Gerry, that was an impressive win and unlike you, the fans want to hear what he has to say. You need to be a bit more sensitive. Gerry Essex: Only thing sensitive about me, Cara, is the cavity in the back of my mouth when I drink sugar cane throwback Pepsi. Hunter Sullivan: Matthew Engel is a Pussy. [ Sullivan isn't even tired, spitting out his declaration to a pop from the sparse crowd and the fans watching at home. ] Hunter Sullivan: He's a coward and at the end of the day he continues to prove the old adage that you can't run a jackass with a race horse, and I'm just about prime to lap that geriatric twit. Gerry Essex: Someone should point out the fact Virus is a absolute legend in that ring and there’s not even ten years in age difference. Cara Townsend: Gerry, just in our short time out here together I wouldn’t have figured you to be someone who would use facts when putting down a person. Whatever the case may be, the fans here on the Strader land and at home through their apps are loving it. Hunter Sullivan: So here's what is going to happen. Showtime and Matthew are about to have a match as soon as I shut up, and I will. But what's not going to happen is me leaving ringside. In fact I think I might just take a seat out here and enjoy the show. If Engel has a problem with that he is welcome to come and do something about it. [ Sullivan rolls out of the ring with the microphone, gesturing to a security guard to hand him one of the empty seats next to him. The response is apprehensive and slow. Obviously the gruff and slightly overweight guard is uncertain if this is going to fall poorly on him or his employer. However, he does comply with the very insistent and irritated looking Viper. ] Hunter Sullivan: Thank you! [ Sullivan snap unfolds the chair, setting it up cutely in the corner of the enclosed ringside area, taking a very poignant and deliberate seat. ] Hunter Sullivan: Well come on, let's get that guns and roses playing so we can get the show rolling! Gerry Essex: This guy is really going to sit out here? Cara Townsend: I guess so. He could at least join us... that’s just rude. [ However instead of the music Hunter was expecting to hit it’s Van Halen’s classic “Unchained” and the crowd gives a huge pop surprising the commentators and the former Viper (although to his credit, you would have to be a Twitter neck beard to notice) as the one and only Meghan Kelser walks out on stage to tremendous crowd approval. The Cowgirl from the Order of Chaos stops at the beginning of the rampway and with a microphone in hand addresses Hunter Sullivan directly. ] Meghan Kelser: Just who do you think you are? [ Hunter goes to answer but Meghan interrupts him. ] Meghan Kelser: Cut that microphone, Wally. Cara Townsend: Oh, nice little shout out to our production manager, Wally McNutt. Gerry Essex: Keep up the good work Wally! Meghan Kelser: Listen, Hunter, I get it. You aren’t happy with Matthew. Not very many that have been apart of the PWA have been happy with him. Honestly it’s a miracle he even has family that talks to him. [ The fans in attendance laugh. ] Meghan Kelser: In saying that, my lovely sister preaches a safe work environment for the talent and fans alike, there is enough bad blood between Engel and Ambrose we don’t need you adding to it. [ The fans boo as Hunter is obviously being booted from ringside. Sullivan starts to protest but the Strader boss doesn’t pay that very much attention. She turns to walk back backstage but she stops, turns her head to her right for a second before turning back around. ] Meghan Kelser: Oh but before I go and you cler yourself from ringside Tamika wanted me to tell you that on the September 23rd edition of Chaos you and Matthew Engel will be facing the winner of tonight’s Main Event for the currently vacant PWA Intercontinental Championship! [ This announcement makes the ring vibrate and the still motionless Masked Lard vibrates with it as the fans give their approval from attendance and at home. Meghan nods at the crowd as they have adjusted their attitudes as has Hunter as he makes backstage as ring attendants come down to get The Masked Lard out of there. ] Cara Townsend: Whoa! I’m not sure which is more shocking; the title match announcement or the fact you can feel those ‘Fan At Home’ speakers set up all around our outdoor venue in your chest! Gerry Essex: Maybe we should have a Pacemaker PSA! Cara Townsend: Maybe we should but forget that we are going to have a new Intercontinental champion in two weeks time! That is so exciting!!!!!! Gerry Essex: You are right Cara, and I think it’s safe to say Lisa Seldon is our new IC champ! Cara Townsend: We don’t know that, Gerry. She still has her mystery opponent tonight to get through! [ Gerry looks in the camera, rolls his eyes, motioning with his thumb towards Cara he mouths “this guy” and shakes his head. Cara sighs and moves on. ] Cara Townsend: Up next is two former rivals of the past in Virus and Showtime but first word is that there is some sort of announcement about to played on the ADCTron! Let’s check it out! Maya 2020 Give Chaos Order Again Narrator: We can just imagine what everyone thought when they saw that flag unfurl from beneath that helicopter. [ Flashes on screen dating back to the founding of The Order of Chaos in 2004 begin, when three great rivals shocked the wrestling world by joining forces. Two of them fade into shadows, with Simon Kalis remaining with the AoWF World Tag Team title around his waist and the AoWF TV title raised up in his hand. ] Narrator: Yeah, you all hoped you’d never see this son of bitchs face ever again. [ A stream of images quickly flash by on screen, highlighting the horror wrought upon the PWA when The Order arrived here back in 2009. Adrian Kalis now appears, holding up his half of the AoWF World Tag Team titles. ] Narrator: Worse yet, maybe it was the little squirt who could never seemingly escape his dads shadow? Mr. Too Mean himself could barely hold an original thought of his own. [ The screen fades to black, before bursting with a colorful display of fireworks on screen which are matched by fireworks live above the lucky fans in attendance. ] Narrator: Out with the old and in with the new, it’s 2020 and it’s time for new management and a new direction to lead The Order into it’s new decade. [ On screen, stock footage of randomly smiling people clapping and nodding fade in and out before Maya Kalis finally appears, her hands at her hips and a shit eating grin on her face. ] Maya: I’m Maya, and I approve this message. Gerry Essex: I don’t know about you, but she’s got my vote! Cara Townsend:.... Right. Anyways, its Virus! Showtime! Next! Showtime Vs Virus Singles Match Time Limit: 15 Minutes The match starts with Virus and Showtime meeting up in the middle of the ring for a test of strength however Virus is quick to kick a unsuspecting Showtime in the midsection but he wasn’t unsuspecting and very much expected this move so Ambrose was able to catch a Engel by a toe and twist him violently to the ground. With Marcus methodically focusing on the legs Matthew, Engel knew he would have to keep the MMA and Boxing trained competition from putting him down on the mat. Not yet known to Tamika Kalis as this match would have never happened was that Ambrose had actually dislocated his shoulder earlier in the day after arriving from the hotel to the venue in his pre match work out and not wanting to no show the first Chaos back he popped back into place and felt good about his chances. Unfortunately for him, Engel had happened to catch wind of this and being the opportunist that he always has been began to target the injured soldier of Showtime. Eventually the official Lance Weston called a match stoppage after Engel purposely wrapped Showtime’s left arm around the turnbuckle post outside of the ring on the floor continuously slamming Ambrose’s shoulder into the post while holding the injured arm in place so Marcus couldn’t escape. Marcus was incoherent from the pain showing Lance made the right call. Cara Townsend: That’s a tough decision for a seasoned official like Lance to make knowing Showtime for as a long as he has. Gerry Essex: You’ve heard the bosses at the meetings, the talent’s safety is of outmost importance which makes sense because if they aren’t on TV to draw the fans, they aren’t bringing in the money that makes all of this possible. Eric Emerson: Due to not being able to compete any further, Matthew Engel is declared the winner by Referee technicality! [ The fans boo loudly as Virus gives a smug look into the camera as he raises his own hand after pulling it away from Weston. ] Cara Townsend: the fans are unhappy and letting Virus know it! [ Virus smirks as suddenly starts attacking the fallen Showtime. The fans boo louder as he pushes away the official continuing to assault a man who can’t even begin to defend himself. “She’s Got Balls” hits the sound system as the fans turning their jeers into cheers as for the first time tonight Tamika Kalis appears from outside her office, she already as a mic in hand and the music stops pretty quickly as she starts yelling. ] Tamika Kalis: ENGEL YOU TAKE MORE SWING AT THE DEFENSELESS MAN I WILL FIRE YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW! [ Virus stops and mockingly pretends to go for one more kick. ] Tamika Kalis: You think I am joking? Get out of the ring now, get up this ramp, walk past me, go get changed in your locker room and get the fuck off of my show until I decide when you get to come back. Oh, and give that damn win to Showtime! Gerry Essex: Wait, doesn’t he have a title match on the 23rd and did she take away Engel’s win? What does she mean when she decides when he comes back? Cara Townsend: I don’t know Gerry, but I doubt it is at all good for Engel. [ Engel gets out of the ring, walks up the ramp, and knocks shoulders with his boss arrogantly. ] Tamika Kalis: You know what, just for that, the triple threat for the Intercontinental title is a singles competition. You’ll stay at home until otherwise told so. [ Engel lunges at Kalis for decision but she is quick to strike back at him but nothing is able to come of it as security separates the two former rivals turned employee and boss the fans cheering for the boss lady the whole time. Virus is escorted backstage as, Tamika lets her staff know she’s alright. Mrs Kalis brushes herself off before raising her first in the air via the Order’s salute as the fans cheer. ] Cara Townsend: Just like High Stakes, Virus let his temper get the better of him, but this time it cost him a title shot and got himself suspended. Gerry Essex: Dare I say it smells like the power is getting to the bosses head. Cara Townsend: Smells like? What does that smell like? Gerry Essex: The Masked Lard afer the opening match earlier. [ The young commentator shakes her head. ] Blood is thicker than Grizzly Beer [ We cut to a roaming camera over by the production trailers. Talent and crew are milling around, instructions being shouted to interns, coffee and soft drinks being delivered and consumed. Our cameraman clearly knows where he’s going, however, and heads round the side of one of the trailers to a secluded spot behind it. Here we find Jacob Seldon, looking as unwashed and unkempt as when we last saw him, engaged in an animated conversation with a technician.] Jacob Seldon: …-saying, like, I don’t have all the money right now, but if your guy is good for it then I ca--… [ He spots the camera.] Jacob Seldon: Hey, this is a private meeting here, guy! Our technician looks horrified at being caught on camera and immediately bolts. Jacob looks very disappointed. Jacob Seldon: What the hell, bro! You just ruined my night! What is this? [ PWA referee Scott Swindell emerges in front of the camera to confront Jacob. He is still sporting the residue of a black eye from the beating he received at Jacob’s hands at High Stakes, though the true scars are doubtless internal because… you know… dude got peed on by another man on live television, that’ll mess with you. As soon as he sees Swindell, Jacob starts laughing. ] Jacob Seldon: Scott, buddy, what are you doing here? Pretty sure PWA legal has a restraining order that you’re making me violate right now. [ Swindell squares up to him with a deranged grin. ] Scott Swindell: Ask me why I’m looking so happy, Jacob. [ Jacob doesn’t blink. ] Jacob Seldon: You finally found a cologne that covers the smell of my piss? [ Swindell shudders with rage but manages to keep grinning. ] Scott Swindell: It’s because - you degenerate - you’ve got a match tonight. [ Jacob is still laughing. ] Jacob Seldon: Oh yeah? Which curtain jerker did they dig up for me to fight? Scotty Snow? [ Swindell still has that crazy grin. He should probably get some therapy, he might have PTSD. ] Scott Swindell: No such luck, Jacob. I asked Meghan to do me a favour and let me bring in somebody special just for you… [ Right on cue, the camera lens is almost blocked out by an absolute mountain of a young man with muscles almost ripping loose from his Lacoste polo shirt. Jacob is no longer laughing. ] Scott Swindell: I’d like you to meet my nephew Chuck. He’s a state weightlifting champion. [ Chuck looms over Jacob, who almost completely disappears from view, before leaning down to speak to him, nose to nose. ] Chuck Swindell: I saw what you did to my uncle. [ Jacob looks concerned. ] Jacob Seldon: Okay, look, I think we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot here, fellas. The thing is: alcoholism is disease, and if anyone’s a victim here it--… [ Chuck grabs Jacob by the collar and lifts him up with one hand. Scott Swindell moves to stand next to him, staring up at Jacob’s predicament with obvious glee. ] Scott Swindell: Save your breath, Jacob, you’re going to need it for your match with Chuck later tonight. And I’m going to be right there at ringside to watch him break you. [ Chuck lets Jacob go and he falls down onto his backside with a thud. The Swindells walk off laughing. Jacob pulls out a cigarette and lights it, taking a few meditative puffs.] Jacob Seldon: Fuck. COMMERCIAL BREAK [ Round and Round by Ratt plays in the background as a man at the back of a dark room appears on our screen, face not visible from the shadows, but a voice can be heard in the echo of that dark room. ] Man: Are you tired of being fat? [ This man slowly begins to walk closer to us. ] man: Are you tired of being a virgin, Pussy? [ Continously walking towards us. ] Man: Are you tired of being a dork, a geek, a loser? Do you have the urge to rock out to some kick ass tunes, while bagging mad chicks? [ He gets closer, we can see his blonde hair, we can see gym mats on the floor. ] Man: Are you tired of getting beat up? Not impressing the girl? [ His steel eyes flash with the introduction of light, his black headband wrapped perfectly around his head. ] Man: Then join me Sensai Johnny Lawrence where I can teach you the kickass ways of karate. Become a Badass today at COBRA KAI! HUY HUIT!                        [ Johnny jumps up in the air sending a kick that shatters the screen as the chromed Cobra Kai symbol fills the screen. Check out seasons 1 and 2 of Cobra Kai, only on NETFLIX! ] Elections are for Shmucks Vega 2020 Maya Kalis is a Hoax [ A loud crack, followed by the sounds of two men scuffling before on shrieks in pain can be heard on screen until the image comes into focus. ] The Stranger: I got it! I got it to work! Vega: Goo, you go the sho? [ Vega’s words are a bit muffled as he appears to be holding down a security guard, one knee on the mans chest as he chews on – ] The Stranger: What’d you say? [ The Stranger audibly gulps. ] The Stranger: Jesus dude. I don’t think that’s kosher. Security Guard: My ear! My fucking ear! Get him off me! Get him off me!!! [ Vega spits the security guards ear down into his face, slaps him and then hops back up onto his feet. He tries to wipe the blood off his plain white tee, but all he manages to do is smear it around. ] Vega: Good, you got the shot? The Stranger: Uhm yeah. But – Vega: Coulda been worse, let’s go. [ The Stranger carefully walks over the security guard, mouthing the words “I’m so sorry” to him as he stumbles forward following close behind Vega. It would appear they’re inside of a hospital. While alternating betwee the front and rear view cameras on his phone, The Stranger adjusts his mask as he stops dead in his tracks to read the large warning signs taped on both sides of the walls around them. Vega doesn’t miss a beat as he kicks open the ward doors, switching back to the rear camera we can see Vega dodging a number of nurses and CNA’s as he makes a beeline towards the patients. ] The Stranger: Cuh… Cuh…. Covid!? What’re you doing?!?! [ The Stranger keeps his distance, focusing on Vega as he seems to rubbing his face into a patients face in the ward. Vega laps his tongue out as the patient coughs directly into his mouth, and we can hear The Stranger gag from behind the camera. The nurses and CNA’s call for more security, although it doesn’t seem Vega is attempting to harm any of the patients. He dusts himself off, licks up some of the security guards blood from his matted beard and saunters back towards The Stranger as the hospital staff yell and scream for him to stop. ] The Stranger: Dude! No! This isn’t funny! [ The Stranger begins walking backwards, his heavy breathing becoming a bit of a distraction as Vega steps out towards him. ] Vega: I’m a living weapon, isn’t that what I’m supposed to be Jer? So bring it on PWA! [ Vega jovially points to the camera while cracking his neck and lapping his tongue out like a panting dog. ] Vega: The Madness is here! And I come baring the gift of coronavirus for all the bad little boys and girls! [ Vega’s laughter is a howl as he pulls out a red “Make America Great Again” cap from his back pocket, but the word America has been stitched over with “The PWA”. ] Vega: I’m a registered Republican, it’s what we do! Now come, lover! It’s a long walk from Houston to the Strader Ranch. [ Vega tries to grab The Stranger but he trips, stumbles backwards and falls flat on his ass. As The Stranger falls, the camera swings up and we can see a security guard crack Vega across the back of his skull before the feed cuts. ] Jacob Seldon vs Chuck Swindell Singles Match Time Limit: 15 minutes Somebody in the back is having a good laugh at Jacob’s expense as, instead of Incubus, he enters to ‘The Joker’ by The Steve Miller Band. He spends the entire walk to the ring shouting, “That’s not my fucking song!”, but clearly nobody is paying any attention to him. In the ring he makes a feeble attempt to stretch off before removing his t-shirt to reveal a spectacular beer belly that gets a small cheer and some cat calls from the fans. Shortly thereafter, ‘All Nightmare Long’ by Metallica kicks up and brings out Chuck Swindell who is, frankly, in fantastic shape and looking (if possible) even bigger than when we saw him earlier. His uncle Scott is at his side, beaming proudly, and takes up his position on a chair at ringside but not before shouting up to Jacob that he’s going to “fucking die tonight” – which Jacob would probably respond to if he wasn’t too busy staring at Chuck who literally steps over the ring ropes and starts to flex biceps that are the size of small children. Referee Lance Weston starts to go over the rules of the contest, waving aside Jacob’s pleas that this is “madness”, before calling for the opening bell. To his credit, Jacob doesn’t immediately try to run away. The two men square off in the centre of the ring - though Jacob is squaring off to Chuck’s nipple – and Chuck signals that he wants a test of strength. Wisely, Jacob ignores this request and instead swings a punch that connects squarely with Chuck’s jaw. It has literally no effect. Jacob throws another. It also connects but achieves exactly nothing. He goes for a third and this time Chuck catches Jacob’s arm and uses it to lift him up over his head and dump him onto the big man’s shoulders. When was the last time you saw an airplane spin? Well, you get one tonight. Swindell shows a real fleetness of foot as he spins Jacob faster and faster before catapulting him off his shoulders and straight into the corner post, leaving him in a crumpled heap on the mat. After a few moments Jacob regains consciousness and shows a modicum of self-preservation by trying to get back up to his feet using the ring ropes. As he reaches a standing base he’s met by Swindell who charges in and crushes him into the turnbuckle with a big running splash. Chuck then fires the beer-bellied veteran across the ring with an Irish whip, sending him crashing into the other corner, before chasing him in for another splash. He lets Jacob stagger out of the corner and then comes in behind him to scoop him up and literally just throw him at the canvas. Not much technique, but it really doesn’t matter. He takes a step back and then leaps up in the air to deliver a leg drop with so much force that looks like it should flatten Jacob like in an old cartoon. At ringside, Uncle Swindell is absolutely delighted and is whooping and cheering for his nephew. Referee Lance Weston is checking to see if Jacob is dead – he’s not, so the match continues. Chuck picks him up off the canvas, from prone, and straight up into the air. Jacob wakes up mid-lift and starts screaming and thrashing around, but it does him no good. The giant walks over to the ropes and then gorilla presses him over the top-rope and down to the outside. Jacob curls up on the arena floor in the fetal position. Swindell looks pleased with himself and starts to flex and pose for the fans, who show him some love. Lance Weston starts the count. Before he can reach five, however, Scott Swindell is up on the apron talking to his nephew and clearly instructing him that it’s not over. Chuck shrugs and rolls out of the ring to gather up poor Jacob and roll him back under the bottom rope. Jacob was clearly playing possum (or rather, playing the coward, hoping to get counted out) and quickly starts to scramble away across canvas. In his disorientation, however, he reaches a corner rather than a rope and turns around just in time to see Chuck advancing on him. He gets on his knees and starts to beg and plead, but the big man is not ready to show mercy. It looks bad for Jacob, but a keen observer should notice that, though he’s begging, his hands are actually behind his back and appear to be reaching into his trunks for something – a pair of brass knuckles, which he slips on. As Chuck begins to loom over him, Jacob is completely hidden from Lance Weston’s view, an opportunity he uses to leap up and unleash a wild haymaker. There is a loud crack and then… timberrrrrr… Chuck falls back like a log and lands on his back on the canvas. Jacob dives in and makes a cover… ONE… TWO... Jacob is almost catapulted up in the air as Chuck presses out of the pin. The fans are going crazy and Jacob looks like he may have just urinated again on live television. He leaps up to his feet and starts to back away slowly. Chuck shakes loose the cobwebs, a small trickle of blood running down his forehead, and then starts to climb – albeit woozily - to his feet. At this moment, Jacob decides it’s time to come clean and runs over to Lance Weston to show him the brass knuckles. Weston looks confused, so Jacob leaves nothing to chance and – making sure that the referee has a very clear view – literally throws himself at Chuck with the knuckles, clubbing the big man back down, and then giving him a couple more shots on the ground just to be on the safe side. *DING, DING* Weston calls for the bell and it’s pandemonium at ringside. Crew and security rush to restrain Scott Swindell, who is apoplectic with rage. Jacob doesn’t wait around to see if he’s done enough damage and instead bails out of the ring and, frankly, just runs away with the fans mocking him all the way. Somebody gets the music mixed up and so we get ‘The Joker’ again, but it doesn’t really matter because poor Chuck is not in any fit state to appreciate that he’s won until he’s been checked out by the EMTs. It’s all very unfair and you really do have to feel for the Swindell family. From the Ashes he Rises [ For the second time tonight “She’s Got Balls” by AC/DC hits the sound system and Tamika Kalis walks out from behind the curtain to the glee of the fans. Tamika carries two silk sacks in her hands as she is accompanied by Lean Bean Miller with two as well. The fans are curious as are the commentators watching at ringside. ] Gerry Essex: Care to make a friendly wager what is in the silk bags carried by Bean and Tamika? Cara Townsend: No, I had a crippling gambling addiction in freshman year that I don’t need to relive. Gerry Essex: I was only going to bet you a sandwich but ok, I understand. I was the Bingo King of the Pacific North West, so I get it. [ Cara looks at her broadcast partner curiously as Tamika and the PWA’s most veteran employee have reached the ring with Eric Emerson handing his microphone over to the boss lady of the PWA. Her music stops as she addresses the crowd while Eric Emerson and the time keeper set up podium stands behind her. ] Tamika Kalis: Tonight has been full of surprises we are just hitting the halfway mark! Tonight being the return to television airwaves and internet streaming of Wednesday Night CHAOS we’d expect it be nothing but it’s name! [ Cheap pop for the Queen. ] Tamika Kalis: So tonight I wanted to unveil in front of the fans here our socially distanced attendance and the ones watching at home the newly redesigned championships of the PIONEER WRESTLING ASSOCIATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cara Townsend: I know we had talked about it earlier this week in production meetings but it wasn’t set in stone! This is so cool, Gerry! Gerry Essex: Good thing for me you don’t gamble, I would be out a sandwich right now. [ Lean Bean Miller picks up the first bag holding it open for Tamika. ] Tamika Kalis: First, our brand new Tag Team Championships! [ Handing the microphone back to Eric Emerson to hold up for her she reaches into the silk sack and pulls out the sterling silver and blue jeweled encrusted Tag Team Championships. She holds up for the cheering crowd. ] Cara Townsend: Oh Wow, Gerry! Those are beautiful! Gerry Essex: I am not surprised, the tag titles are near and dear to the hearts of our bosses. [ LBM holds up the next sack as Tamika reveals the PWA Grizzly Beer Championship which gets a very loud cheerful reaction as reminds fans of the former greats that have held this esteemed title, especially Sirus Moran. ] Cara Townsend: As a Canadian myself, I definitely approve of the gorgeous leather strap and gold jeweled Grizzly Beer logo! Gerry Essex: I swear it’s like a Canadian invasion around here lately... in Texas of all places. Tamika Kalis: Of course up next we have the beautiful Intercontinental Title where a new champion will be decided two weeks from now live from right here on live on Chaos! [ Tamika pulls out the large and heavy PWA Intercontinental Championship for the fans to see and Hunter Sullivan and tonight’s main event winner to salivate over. She places it neatly on stand next to other two championships presented. You can see the excitement on Tamika’s face as she gets ready to show off the World Championship. ] Gerry Essex: Now this better be nice. Cara Townsend: Something tells me it will, Gerry. [ Tamika unveils a gorgeous black leather belt with a solid gold face with diamonds and blue sapphires encrusted around it and it reads World Heavyweight Championship with a blank name plate for the future champion. The crowd gives their approval as do the commentators. ] Cara Townsend: Now that’s a world championship wouldn’t you agree, Gerry? Gerry Essex: Does a Pope shit in the woods? Cara Townsend: I know the answer to that is no but I also know you think the Pope does just that. [ Before Tamika can speak the lights at the outdoor venue abruptly go out. The ADCTron lights up featuring an old film reel style countdown. ]                        [ The numbers reach one and the screens go dark again. A few seconds later, the heavenly sound of 1980s rock synthesizer blasts out of the PA throughout the arena as "The Final Countdown" starts to play. The crowd erupts and the lights come back on. The Phoenix is at the top of the entrance way, head back, clearly soaking it in. He's dressed more casually than normal, wearing a Batman logo t-shirt and jeans. He milks it several seconds past the point it becomes awkward and heads down to the ring. He climbs the ringside stairs, wipes his feet, then steps into the ring. He walks over to the new World title belt and yanks it away from Tamika.] The Phoenix: Ah, I was wondering when you were going to get around to giving this to me. Tamika Kalis: What the hell is wrong with you? Maybe in Chamelion’s PWA people got handed titles, but that’s not the case in my PWA... The Phoenix: Well, the last time I checked I was the PWA World champion. As far I recall, no one ever beat me for this belt, so... I mean, unless you had other plans. Tamika Kalis: Actually - The Phoenix: (interrupting) But the only way this title is going to have any legitimacy at all is if it is around the Phoenix's waist. If anyone else tried to lay claim to it, they'd just be a paper champion. You know what they say, to be the man, you've got to beat the man. Gerry Essex: The Man has a point. Cara Townsend: So do toothpicks. The Phoenix: (Turning to address the crowd for the first time) You'll have to excuse me, where are my manners? For all you window lickers out there that somehow don't know who I am, you're looking at the living embodiment of the PWA. My name is the Phoenix and I'm the most decorated wrestler in the history of this company. I've held this belt more times than anyone, and I've held it longer than anyone. If you look up the PWA on wikipedia, you'll see my picture. Unless they changed my edits. But that's not the point. The point is, if that woman (he points at Tamika) has a shred of integrity in her body, she was about to ask me to come out and accept this lovely new belt to add to my collection. Gerry Essex: I forgot how much I love this man! Cara Townsend: Not as much as himself, I don’t think. The Phoenix: And to all the cake sniffers back in the locker room, your worst nightmare has just come true. The Phoenix is back and it is going to take an act of Congress to get this belt out of my hands. And as long as Mitch McConnell is in charge, we all know there's not a damn thing getting out of the Senate, so what I'm trying to get at it, I'm going to be the champion until the heat death of the universe. Tamika Kalis: Wait a minute. That's just a whole lot... And you had an intro video and the stuff with the lights? What the hell? The Phoenix: I mean, just because you're the new owners doesn't mean I don't know all the people working here. You slip the right people a few bucks and they'll flip a light switch or two. And now... (he looks at his wrist that is display a decided lack of a watch) I've got to run. [The Phoenix heads out of the ring and up the entrance way and disappears backstage.] Tamika Kalis: Well, that wasn't exactly what I had planned - [She's interrupted again the lights go out (again). Several seconds later, Sabotage by the Beastie Boys starts to play. The crowd cheers, but more because they've basically been conditioned to do that than because they know what's going on. The lights come back up and Rob Robinson walks out wearing a Wizarding World of Harry Potter t-shirt and cargo shorts. He's following by Scottie "The Panther" Snow, who is carrying a briefcase. They head to the ring, up the stairs, and through the ropes.] Tamika Kalis: (Shaking her head slightly with narrowed eyes) Really? You really had to do that? Rob Robinson: I'm not sure I follow. I've got a little business we need to discuss. Tamika Kalis: Right...... And to do that, you had to go backstage, do some quick change bullshit, and then have your music play so you could walk back out here again? Rob Robinson: Yeah, I really don't know what you're talking about. What I do know, is whatever nonsense you're talking doesn't have anything to do with the business at hand. Tamika Kalis: (Throwing up her hands in exasperation) Ok, fine. Fine. What? What the hell is it? Rob Robinson: You know, I feel like I never got the respect that I deserved as a businessman. Tamika Kalis: I should have known. Nothing is ever quick and easy with you, is it? Rob Robinson: (ignoring Tamika) I mean, I only founded the PWA and single handedly built it into the premier wrestling promotion in the world. I invented Genesis, Who's the Man, Summer Sizzler, and Xmas at Ground Zero. I invented the Battle Dome and London's Burning matches. I had the PWA Dome built. I was the creator and main host of PWA Radio. And that was back when podcasting was still new and Joe Rogan and Marc Maron hadn't started their shows. I'm a visionary. In fact, it wouldn't be over the line to call me a genius. Gerry Essex: Genius indeed. That’s why The Phoenix and him are friends! Cara Townsend: Wait, not you too? Oh man... Tamika Kalis: Is this going somewhere? Rob Robinson: You bet it is. You see, even in my final days owning this company, I still managed to exercise my business genius. For example, in the sales contract, I made sure to get rights of first refusal if you ever decide to sell the company. I made sure there was a clause making sure that the Phoenix would be in every single PWA video game from now until the end of time. And frankly, that's going to make the game sell about a million extra copies, so you're welcome. I made sure to get free tickets to every PWA event and I get to keep my luxury box in the PWA in perpetuity. I even made sure that my buddy the Phoenix gets to continue having a private locker room. Tamika Kalis: That all cost me basically nothing, so I'm not really seeing the "genius" part here. Rob Robinson: (Smiling a very disturbing smile, much like the Grinch) Oh, I'm getting to that. You see, I came out here because I want to tell you to have the first delivery sent to my autumn residence. Tamika Kalis: Ok, first off, "Autumn residence"? Second, what shipment? Rob Robinson: The Yoohoo. Tamika Kalis: The shipment of Yoohoo? Rob Robinson: Right. Tamika Kalis: I feel like I say this every time I have to talk to you, but what the hell are you talking about? Rob Robinson: I know you've got a lot on your mind, but don't tell me you've forgotten. You are legally obligated to provide me with a lifetime supply of Yoohoo. I just wanted to tell you where to have the first truckload sent. Tamika Kalis: A lifetime supply of Yoohoo? Like hell, not even my husband has that kind of money. Rob Robinson: You can't weasel out of it now. If you do, then the sales contract is null and void, I get the PWA back, plus I get to keep 95% of the purchase price as a penalty for breach of contract. Tamika Kalis: Breach of contract? What? Rob Robinson: Yeah, the contract we both signed where I sold you the PWA? I told you I was a business genius. You really should have reviewed that contract better. Tamika Kalis: I read that entire contract and the word "Yoohoo" isn't in there one damn time! Rob Robinson: Check out pages 327 through 330. Tamika: Dammit, Rob. Fine, after the show I'll do that, just to shut you up. Rob Robinson: No, no, no. Let's go ahead and get this taken care of now. Scottie? [Scottie opens up the briefcase and hands Rob a massive pile of papers. Robinson flips through the pages until he gets to page 327, then hands the massive file to Tamika.] Tamika Kalis: "This page intentionally left blank." They all say that. Ok, so? Rob Robinson: Read that again, but look more carefully this time. Tamika Kalis: "This page intentionally left"... "blanco"? "This page intentionally left white"? What does that even mean? Rob Robinson: Go ahead and touch the page. Tamika Kalis: What? Why? What did you do to it? Did you lick it? Rob Robinson: What? No. Just touch it. Tamika Kalis: Why are there bumps on it? Rob Robinson: That, my dear, is Braille. Honestly, I can't believe you didn't notice that before, but then again, you are a business novice. Here's some free advice, honey. First, fire your lawyer because he really dropped the ball on this one. Second, get yourself a blind lawyer that can read those pages and have them explain all the details and your legal requirements. But in the meantime, like I said before, send the first two trucks to my autumn residence and then I'll have to let you know where to send the shipments next week. I may be heading to my mid-autumn residence, but I haven't decided yet. [Robinson takes the contract out of the hands of the stunned Tamika and he and Scottie Snow head backstage.] Tamika Kalis: Apparently we should’ve hired Matt Murdock. Cara Townsend: Wow, can he legally do that? Gerry Essex: Well, it looks like he did. [ Tamika doesn’t look very pleased as her unveiling got ruined and is sore from being Robinson’ed. ] Maya Kalis vs Vega Leadership of the Order qualifying match Time Limit: 15 Minutes Eric Emerson: The following match is a qualifier for the mantle of leadership of The Order of Chaos! “Bang!(AhhHaa Remix)” by AJR featuring Hayley Kiyoko begins to blare over the sound system. Eric Emerson: Introducing first! She stands 5’10” and weighing in tonight at 140lbs! )So put your best face on, everybody!( )Pretend you know this song, everybody!( )Come hang, let’s go out with a bang!( Eric Emerson: She is… )BANG! BANG! BANG!( Eric Emerson: MAYA! Maya jumps out from behind the curtains and raises her arms up, her gaze shooting left and right, up and down as she soaks in the roaring cheers from the crowd. )I’m way too young to lie here forever( )I’m way too old to try, so whatever( )Come hang, let’s go out with a bang!( She runs down to the ring and slides in, raising her hands like guns and mouthing the words “Bang! Bang! Bang!” to the song. She begins to stretch as her theme music dies down. Eric Emerson: And now, her opponent… “Rock The Casbah” by The Clash begins to blare over the sound system as The Stranger steps out from behind the curtain with a microphone in hand. The crowd seems a little confused, as does Maya in the ring as the music immediately begins to die down. The Stranger: Listen guys, I’m really sorry but Vega has been barred from entering the area because he exposed himself to a bunch of COVID19 patients earlier today. The crowd boos, and the Stranger motions for them to calm down – which certainly doesn’t help matters. The Stranger: Listen, even if the PWA was going to allow him to compete tonight despite that stupid stunt, he got arrested by Houston PD soon after we filmed that segment so he wouldn’t be able to make it here anyway. Maya grabs Eric Emerson’s microphone from his hand. Maya: So come fight me in your boyfriends place. The crowd roars with approval at Maya’s idea. Cara Townsend: Now it’s no secret to anyone that The Stranger is Jeremy Gold in a mask. The same Jeremy Gold who used to be Simon Kalis’ agent. Gerry Essex: Yeah the same Jeremy Gold who’s a complete and utter coward. Maya motions for The Stranger to enter the ring with her. Maya: Let’s give these folks a show! [ The Stranger drops the microphone from his hand and nods, he begins making a rush towards the ring. ] DING DING DING [ The Stranger jumps up onto the apron and then flips forward, over the top rope and into the ring. He charges straight for Maya who snaps back and then forward, the heel of her left foot connecting straight into The Stranger’s chin as his head audibly snaps back. The Stranger hits the canvas, and Maya stomps down on his neck before dropping to her knees and covering, thus completing her finishing move Perdition! ] ONE! TWO!! THREE!!!!!! DING DING DING Eric Emerson: The winner of this match and advancing, Maya Kalis! “Bang!” begins to play again as Maya rips The Stranger’s mask off and slaps him across the face several times, trying to wake him up. It would appear however, he is out cold. Cara Townsend: That was almost as crazy fast as the opening match tonight! Gerry Essex: It sure was! I am curious to how this will all play out! Cara Townsend: As I am sure the PWA universe is as well, Gerry! Up next we our collosal tag team match but first a word from our sponsors! SNS/Mad Max vs. Meghan Kelser/Izzie McDee Tag Team Match Time Limit: 15 Minutes [ As we come back from the commercial break all four competitors in the Meghan clotheslines SNS over the top rope and to the outside right away surprising the big man that quickly and herself to considering the height difference. Izzie connects with lefts and rights on Mad Max sending her to the ropes. Meghan joins in and together they whip Mad Max to the other side. Mad Max hits the ropes, and as she comes bouncing off she hits a jumping clothesline sending both Meghan and Izzie down to the mat. Izzie rolls out of the ring, leaving Meghan by herself in the ring with Mad Max. Mad Max up to her feet as well is Meghan. Meghan connects with a left, only to get one back in return from Mad Max. Mad Max drives a knee to Meghan midsection and connects with a twisting snap mare take down. Mad Max up to her feet and goes for a leg drop, but Meghan moves out of the way quickly. Meghan hops up to her feet as does Mad Max, Meghan leg sweeps Mad Max off her feet and Meghan leaps off the middle rope into a lionsault but Mad Max gets her knees up and Meghan lands on them. ] Gerry Essex: Meghan and Mad Max going at it back and forth here to start out the match. Cara Townsend: It’s protégé versus mentor in this tag team match. Gerry Essex: Don’t forget it’s stock full of daddy issues as well. [ Mad Max bounces off the ropes and connects with a flying elbow off the middle rope onto Meghans chest. Mad Max applies a chokehold on her. Meghan struggles and breaks free of the hold. Mad Max up to her feet and pulls Meghan up with her. Mad Max goes to whip him into the corner, but Meghan reverses it and Mad Max hits the corner hard. SNS cheers on Mad Max in his corner only to get a monster right from Meghan, sending him off the apron and down to the ground below. Mad Max comes out of the corner and lands a right on Meghan, sending her to the ropes. Mad Max then connects with a drop kick sending Meghan over the top rope and to the ground below. Mad Max quickly leaps up to the top turnbuckle as Meghan gets up to her feet. Mad Max leaps off into a double ax handle, but Meghan sees her and hits a SUPERKICK! ] Cara Townsend: Holy Shit! Gerry Essex: Holy shit is right! Meghan hit that kick so hard, the impact was heard miles away! Cara Townsend: I think the impact of that gave me whiplash! [ SNS realizing his partner is in trouble, grabs Meghan and rams her head into the side of the ring. He then connects with a knee to the midsection and throws Meghan back inside the ring. Izzie slaps the turnbuckle, asking for the tag. SNS helps Mad Max up to her feet and slides her in the ring. Meghan gets up to her feet as Mad Max slowly gets up to her own. Meghan comes at Mad Max, but before she could, Mad Max tags SNS and quickly slides out of the ring. SNS steps in only to get a series of lefts and rights from the angry daughter of his. SNS comes back with some of his own, sending Meghan to the mat. Izzie is yelling at Meghan to make the tag, but she's not listening as she has entered rage mode. SNS grabs Meghan by the head and locks on a sleeperhold. Meghan fights the hold, but can't power her way out of it. Meghan does power her way up to her feet only to have SNS release the hold, set Meghan up and hit a belly to back suplex, sending Meghan to the mat. ] Gerry Essex: Scott Nash Strader with the in ring experience and power to tackle Meghan. Cara Townsend: He might have the in ring experience, but come on, this is Meghan we're talking about, that doesn't mean nything. She knows everything her father knows plus what she learned in her own career. Gerry Essex: I don't know. SNS plays it smart, right now Meghan is doing everything on her own. She needs to tag in Izzie. Cara Townsend: You are right, she is letting her rage get the best of her. [ SNS gets up to his feet as he grabs Meghan and pulls her up as well. He pushes her back into the his teams corner, where Mad Max holds Meghan by the arms. SNS then comes at her with left and right knees into the midsection. He then goes for a right to the head of Meghan but Meghan spits in his face and SNS backs away, wiping the spit off. SNS turns around to get a boot to his face as Mad Max is still holding on to Meghans arms. SNS turns back around and Meghan goes for another boot, but SNS grabs her leg, grabs his other leg and he yanks on them, causing Meghan to hit the mat, flat on her back. SNS goes for a Boston crab, but Meghan kicks him in the back getting the hold released. Meghan gets up to her feet, but SNS grabs her and whips her across the other side close to Meghan’s corner. As Meghan bounces off the ropes, Izzie reaches out and tags herself in. Meghan bounces off the ropes and SNS scoops her up and hits a powerful SPINEBUSTER! ] Gerry Essex: WOW! Powerful Spinebuster there on Meghan! Cara Townsend: Strader better watch out because here comes Izzie! [ As SNS gets up to his feet, he is met by a clothesline from Izzie sending him down to the mat. As SNS goes down, Mad Max enters the ring and she sends Izzie down to the mat, with a flying drop kick from the top rope. Mad Max up to her feet, grabs Izzie and whips her across the ring. Izzie bounces off the ropes and stops short of the head bowed Mad Max. Izzie connects with an kneeling uppercut, sending Mad Max down to the mat. Izzie is quickly turned around as SNS is back to his feet and lays out McDee with a Scotch Valley Driver. ] ONE! TWO!! [ Meghan makes the save as Max tries to block it but is too late! Mad Max makes her way over to her corner as does Meghan rather reluctantly. SNS gets up to his feet as does Izzie recovering quickly from the impact move and pin attempt. SNS sets Izzie up and hits a vertical suplex. SNS quickly up to his feet, Izzie again, right behind him. SNS hits her with a left, and Izzie comes back with several of her own sending him back to the ropes. Izzie goes for a clothesline, but SNS ducks underneath it. Meghan jumps up on the ropes and starts yelling at SNS. Strader comes over, Meghan grabs him and snaps SNS neck down on the top rope. SNS whips back to the middle of the ring. Izzie grabs SNS and locks on a crossface chicken wing. SNS fights it but can't. Mad Max enters the ring and drives a boot to the face of Izzie. Meghan quickly enters and Mad Max sends him down to the mat with a clothesline. Mad Max slides Meghan out of the ring and she places SNS on Izzie for the pin attempt. ] ONE! KICKOUT! Gerry Essex: Scott Nash Strader and Mad Max are definitely a pretty good team. Cara Townsend: I think Meghan and Izzie could if the boss could manage her emotions a bit better with her veteran experience. [ Mad Max goes over to her corner as SNS gets up to his feet he makes his way over to his corner and he tags in Max. Mad Max quickly goes up to the top turnbuckle as Izzie makes her way up to her feet. Mad Max leaps off connecting with a flying hurricarhana off the top rope. Sending Izzie to the mat. Meghan gets up to the corner, Mad Max comes charging at her and sends her down with a drop kick. Izzie gets up to her feet as Mad Max turns around. Mad Max leaps off the top rope connecting with a moonsault on the standing Izzie, sending her down to the mat. Mad Max gets up to her feet and proceeds to choke out Izzie. She then unloads in a series of lefts and rights. Izzie tries to defend herself but Mad Max is too fast to stop her. Mad Max gets up to her feet as Izzie lays motionless in the ring. Mad Max gets up to the top rope and goes for a frog splash, but Izzie moves out of the way and Mad Max hits the mat. ] Cara Townsend: If she landed that, this could’ve been over! Gerry Essex: Quite possibly, Cara. [ Izzie gets up to her feet and brings Mad Max up with her. She whips her to the ropes near the corner, Meghan trips her up and Mad Max hits the mat. Izzie comes over and pulls Mad Max up to her feet. Izzie grabs her but Mad Max uses the ropes and bulldogs Izzie to the mat. Mad Max down, as is Izzie. Izzie makes a move and pins Mad Max. ] ONE! TWO! [ SNS jumps in and makes the save. Meghan jumps in the ring and she sends SNS down to the mat with a powerful thrust kick to the side. Meghan the pulls SNS up to his feet and whips him out of the ring, near the announcers table. Meghan slides out of the ring as Izzie gets up to her feet. She pulls Mad Max up to her and connects with atomic drop. She then connects with a series of lefts and rights on Mad Max. On the outside, Meghan rams SNS head into the steel steps. ] Gerry Essex: You were right Cara, the bosses letting her emotions dictatet her style! Cara Townsend: The Cowgirls were always known for staying cool in heated match situations but it’s like Meghan has thrown it out the window! Gerry Essex: Daddy issues! [ Izzie pulls Mad Max up to her feet and rams her into the corner. She then follows up with a series of shoulder thrusts into the midsection. Mad Max falls to the mat. On the outside Meghan pulls SNS up and places him on the announcers table. Gerry Essex and Cara Townsend clear out of the area. Izzie connects with a drop kick into the face of Mad Max, sending her all the way down to the mat. Meghan climbs up to the ring and up to the top turnbuckle SNS lays motionless on the announcers table as Meghan hits a FROGSPLASH causing it to splinter with her body laying mangled on the wreckage as SNS had rolled out of the way. Inside the ring Mad Max grabs Izzie and sends her to the ropes, Izzie bounces back and ducks under a attempted clothesline, but as Izzie ducks she hits the LIPSTICK ON THE COLLAR! SNS slides in the ring and Izzie sends Strader outside the ring with a missile drop kick. She turns around and covers Mad Max. ] ONE!! TWO!! THREE!! Ding Ding! Eric Emerson: Your winners, the team of Meghan Kelser and Izzie McDee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gerry Essex: Who wasn’t a winner was our announce table. Cara Townsend: That it definitely was not. [ The fans and commentators take in the carnage at ringside as the ring crew sweep down to ringside to clean up the mess as Izzie helps her partner to the backstage area as Scott does the same for his young partner. ] MAIN EVENT Lisa Seldon vs Mystery Opponent Singles Match Time Limit: 20 Minutes Our main event begins with the dulcet tones of Jack Off Jill as former AOWF Champion and all-round ass-kicking machine Lisa Seldon comes out to a huge roar from the fans. She might be wondering who her opponent is for tonight, but she doesn’t let it show and saunters down to the ring, beaming a smile as she takes her time with it. Never breaking her stride she hops up onto the apron, leans back to shoot a wink into the nearest camera and then hops up over the ropes. Once in the ring she can be heard to ask Lance Watson, “who the fuck is it, then?” but she doesn’t have to wait long. Suddenly, the opening of ‘Subtle Hustle’ by Clutch plays and those familiar with what that song means let out as close to a roar of excitement as the small crowd is capable of. Two men in Hoodies and face masks emerge from the entry way and kneel on either side of it. [ A third hooded figure emerges though his hoodie seems to have assorted medals on it as if he is the ‘highest ranking’ of the hooded individuals. This ‘Hoodie General’ unzips his hoodie and opens it to reveal… The ‘I’m Johnny Maverick’ World Heavyweight Championship. ] Cara Townsend: Wow! Johnny Maverick! Gerry Essex: And here I thought he was busy being a traitor in the BWF! [ The mask comes off and flanked on either side by a pair of Hoodie Ninja’s, Johnny is handed a microphone and his music dies down. ] Johnny Maverick: Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen and everything in between. Friends, neighbors, and your neighbor’s friends. Fellow glorious vibrations in the mind of the one true God whose name is Love… Do not adjust the contents of your ocular face holes, it is I! The Sexy Psychic Savior of the Suplex. The man who perfected the armbar and then made it perfecter. Clean, Sober, but still getting kicked out of Red Lobster’s. It’s Johnny Maverick! I was, and I am not making this part up, INVITED back to the PWA by the new management and I only had TWO conditions for my signing. The first being...well it’s so obvious I don’t know why I’m even bringing it up but I asked for a YEAR ROUND supply of Boo Berry because quite frankly I stopped doing heroin and the only thing that curbs the occasional craving I still get is ghost-themed cereal. The second caveat? That Lisa Seldon and I get the chance to beat the living piss shit out of each other for no real reason and well… enough talking from me. Hashtag N G U N S N R, Hashtag Blessed, LET US DO FIGHT. [ Johnny tosses the microphone aside and the Hoodie Ninja to his left catches it. The one on the right takes out a mouthguard and places it in Johnny‘s mouth. Johnny struts down to the ring and hops up on the apron. From the apron he blows a kiss to Lisa before smiling to reveal the words ‘PUNCH ME’ are written on his mouth guard. With Maverick inside the ring, the referee checks both competitors over and calls for the bell. ] *DING, DING* [ Straight from the off, it’s clear this is going to be a close contest. Maverick and Seldon spend some time sizing each other up, before Maverick goes in for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, this is refused by Lisa who instead throws a swift kick, caught by Maverick who then hooks the leg and looks for a fisherman’s suplex, blocked by Lisa who keeps herself planted and then starts to deliver jumping knee strikes with her free leg. Maverick is forced to release the hold and Lisa hits the ropes coming back with a flying leg lariat, ducked by Maverick and she hits the ground into a roll back to her feet, Maverick runs to the ropes himself and comes back looking for a clothesline but telegraphs it and Lisa drops down allowing him to run over before popping back up and going for an arm drag. Mav plants his feet and steps around to take her over with an arm drag of his own, but she catches him on the way down and rolls-up him for a one-count. Maverick kicks loose and both roll back to their feet for a round of applause from the fans. ] Cara Townsend: It’s only her second night back, but she’s seems to be evenly matched! Gerry Essex: I remember when Lisa was my boss as when I got my first producing gig. She was insane to work for but much better than Sommers. [ They go in again for another collar-and-elbow but this time Maverick throws a quick and dirty knee to the gut that bends Lisa up. He slaps on a side headlock and leans into it. Lisa struggles for some time and then manages to struggle free and push Maverick off into the ropes. She looks for a dropkick on the return, but Johnny grabs the ropes to stop himself and she lands on the canvas. He moves in quickly to capitalise before Lisa can reach a standing base, but she throws some sharp elbows to the mid-section as he tries to pull her back up and then hooks and takes him over with a snap suplex. Maverick is quickly back up but Lisa stays on the offensive and throws him over with another snap suplex. She goes in again for a third, but this time Maverick manages to lock his feet and reverse, taking her up and then stalling her in mid-air before falling back with a textbook suplex of his own. He’s straight back up on his feet to do some posing and let the crowd know, “that’s how you do a suplex, baby!” ] Gerry Essex: Hell of a suplex, no wonder he’s the “I’m Johnny Maverick World Champion”. Cara Townsend: Yes Gerry, because he totally didn’t give it too himself. Gerry Essex: I heard he pinned every hoodie ninja for it. [ Maverick continues on the attack, laying the boot in as Lisa tries to get back up. She manages to fight her way to her feet, however, and starts answering his kicks with some elbows and chops of her own. Pretty soon they are toe to toe trading blows in the middle of the ring and getting big heat from the crowd. The tide turns in Lisa’s favour and, seeing an opening, she throws a high kick. Again, Maverick catches it, but this time Lisa follows up immediately with an enziguri to the back of the head that drops him to his knees. She hits the ropes and comes back with a running knee that connects. Lisa drops down for the cover… ] ONE… TWO… [ Maverick kicks out. He looks a little dazed, but shakes it off and starts to get back to his feet. Lisa gives him no quarter and starts throwing stiff kicks to the body. Maverick looks like he won’t make it back up but then suddenly throws himself at Lisa with a lariat that bowls her over. With Lisa down, Maverick rolls to the outside and takes a minute to come to his senses and discuss strategy in a quick team huddle with his Hoodie Ninjas. Pretty soon Lisa is starting to get back up, however, so Mav breaks the huddle and leaps back onto the apron. As Lisa reaches her feet, Maverick dives through the ropes landing a huge spear. He covers… ] ONE… TWO… [ Only two. He looks over at the Hoodie Ninjas who both shrug and encourage him to keep going. He clearly takes this as “do it again” and climbs out onto the apron to wait for Lisa to get back up. Maverick hops up and goes for another flying clothesline, but this was not a good call as Lisa shows impressive ring awareness and manages to catch him mid-fall with a double-knee facebreaker that gets a huge pop from the fans. She covers… ] ONE… TWO… THREE?! [ Maverick just gets a shoulder up in time. The Hoodie Ninjas look, understandably, concerned and a disagreement appears to break out about who advised Maverick to go for another clothesline. Meanwhile, Lisa drags Johnny to the middle of the ring and climbs up onto the top turnbuckle, sizing him up for something airborne and devastating. Just as she’s about to take flight she finds herself held down by whichever Hoodie Ninja lost the disagreement and was forced to intervene. The referee intervenes and tries to break it up but the hapless Hoodie has Lisa’s leg held pretty tight, so Lisa starts elbowing him in the top of the head. It takes a few good hits, but he finally lets go. ] Gerry Essex: See that’s the brilliance of Johnny and his ninjas. Cara Townsend: Brilliance is a strong word. Did you hear he has a raccoon acting as his agent in BWF? [ The Hoodie’s plan isn’t so stupid as it seems, though, as it gives Johnny time to get back to his feet and he suddenly interjects himself, crashing into everyone. The referee takes a bump, the Hoodie tumbles off the apron, and Lisa very nearly falls down to the arena floor but manages to drop to a seated position on the turnbuckle. Maverick is straight on her, throwing a few shots, as she slips down, as he runs to the other turnbuckle and returns back with a huge splash as she falls forward from the impact. He hooks the leg as he rolls over onto her back…] Cara Townsend: Oh man, referee is down! [ … But, of course, the referee is down like Cara points out, so that gets him nowhere. Maverick doesn’t look best pleased by this realisation and is up on his feet to berate the Hoodie Ninjas at ringside. They all begin to argue and blame one another again and pretty soon a small scuffle has broken out, with Johnny trying to adjudicate from over the ropes. At the same time two ring assistants are working to revive the referee, who didn’t sign up for this at all. Lisa, meanwhile, has recovered and is up on her feet waiting for Maverick to turn around. The Hoodie Ninja imbroglio finally comes to an end, with everyone hugging it out, except Maverick who looks thoroughly disappointed and turns away in disgust… right into a roundhouse kick from Lisa that nearly takes his head off. She covers… ] Gerry Essex: Wait Cara, let me guess... referee down? Cara Townsend: Gerry, kindly shut your face hole. … But the referee is still down! The crowd starting counting the pin. Our ring assistants have resorted to slapping and shaking him and he finally comes around. He shakes his head, looks at his watch, and then suddenly pushes the assistants aside and leaps to his feet to call for the bell. ] *DING, DING* It takes everyone a moment to figure out what’s happened, but Eric Emerson is quick to introduce a reason why. ] Eric Emerson: Due to running past not only the match limit but TV time as well this match has been declared a draw! [ This doesn’t please anyone as this match was supposed to name a contender for the IC championship. Lisa starts to argue with the referee, Maverick is soon back to his feet and arguing with the Hoodie Ninjas who are then once again arguing with each other. Somebody from the crowd throws a can of Diet Mountain Dew that splatters against the plexiglass protecting the ring. It’s chaos. Get it, Chaos? Wednesday Night Cha--… Forget it. ] Cara Townsend: People are upset we don’t have a opponent for Hunter Sullivan next week! Things are getting rowdy outside the walls! Gerry Essex: FLYING DIET MOUNTAIN DEWS EVERYWHERE!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! [ Gerry runs past the ring and everyone in it flailing his arms like Kermit the Frog. The camera pans back to Cara’s shocked and partially confused face. ] Cara Townsed: Is it just me or did he get weirder as the night went on? Anyways, we hope you enjoyed the craziness that was first Chaos in over half a decade and we will see you on September 23rd of the next edition of WEDNESDAY NIGHT CHAOS!!!! [ The show fades to the PWA logo as the Chaos inside the ring continues. ]