Champions
World Heavyweight Title: The Phoenix
Intercontinental Title: Johnny Maverick
Champions


08-14-2011


The Mirror Game


We open backstage in the New Age Panzies locker-room. Panzadise and Tony Danza are sitting on the couch, a game of Super Tecmo Bowl raging on the television in front of them. Panning to the right, we see Monkey McDee and Not-stryker staring intently at each other, their arms held out in the air. McDee slowly moves his arm in a circle and Not-stryker matches his movement.

Not-stryker: “And what is this that we’re doing exactly?”

Monkey McDee: “It’s called the mirror game! It’s an acting exercise. You try and simulate my actions at the same time that I’m doing them. Like if I was looking into a mirror.”

Not-stryker: “Okay, let me rephrase my question. Why are we doing this exactly?”

Monkey McDee: “Well, I figure if we’re going to be successful as a tag team, we need to be able to anticipate each others moves and work as a cohesive unit.”

Not-stryker turns to Panzadise.

Not-stryker: “And you’ve done this before?”

Panzadise: “I wouldn’t be caught dead doing that. It’s totally lame, brah.”

Tony Danza: “I don’t know. I think its fun.”

Not-stryker drops his arms to his side and plops down in a chair.

Not-stryker: “Yeah, I think I’m done.”

McDee slumps his shoulders forward, looking all kinds of dejected.

Not-stryker: “Listen, McDee. You’re a nice guy and everything but you really need to step it up a notch if you want to win the tag team titles”

Monkey McDee: “What do you mean?”

Not-stryker: “These silly little games you play aren’t helping out one bit. It’s like you aren’t even taking any of this seriously at all. Where’s the enthusiasm? Where’s the passion?”

Monkey McDee: “Are you saying this because I refuse to hit people over the head with a Ninetendo?”


Not-stryker: “Forget about that. I’m talking about getting involved – shaking things up. You need to break the status quo. I mean, look at Jojo.”

Cut to a shot of Jojo the Six Million Dollar relaxing in a lawn chair, two beautiful, buxom woman sitting on either side of him. One is holding a Hi-C fruit box and the other is feeding Jojo a banana.

Not-stryker: “He’s not content to sit around, flinging his poo randomly about the room. He’s a go-getter. A mover and a shaker. He makes things happen.”

Monkey McDee: “I think I understand. But what do you think I should do?”

Not-stryker: “Just follow my lead, friend. Follow my lead.”

Not-stryker motion to McDee to follow him as he exits the locker-room. McDee looks to Panzadise, who just shrugs. After waiting a beat, McDee jogs out after Not-stryker.

Dalten Adler vs Dangerous Dan

Singles Match


You know those matches that really make the fans stand up in their seats? Yeah, this isn’t one of those. The bell rings and both men circle each other for about a minute, sizing each other up. They grapple back and forth, accomplishing very little. There are some backhand chops, some whipping into the ropes, ducks and reversals, but none of the high-flying, risk taking moves you might expect from either wrestler. At one point Dangerous Dan starts to climb up the turnbuckle, and the fans start to take notice, hoping for something exciting to take place, - their hopes immediately dashed as he comes down with a double-axe handle to the back of Dolten Adler. Adler recovers and ducks under an clothesline attempt from Dan. Both men stop and start to circle each other again. The yawns in the arena are now audible, along with a few boos.

Suddenly, Not-stryker appears from backstage and marches down to the ring, Monkey McDee in tow; a look of confusion on his face as if he doesn’t really know what’s going on. Not-stryker climbs up onto the apron before he’s rushed by a perturbed Dangerous Dan, who he simply flips up and over the ropes. Dan lands on the floor with a thud and rolls around in pain. McDee steps lightly over him, issuing a quiet pardon, before rolling into the ring and turning to Not-stryker expectantly.

Dolten has decided to finally come to life and charges at McDee, who appears not to be paying attention. Then, just as Adler launches into a spear attack, McDee sidesteps, causing to Adler crash hard into turnbuckle. He slides down the mat dazed. The referee shrugs and calls for the bell. It appears this match is a no contest but no one seems to care. Their attention is focused on Not-stryker who now has a microphone.

Not-stryker: Yeah, so I'm sorry about that. Everyone knows I hate interfering in matches, but I'm working under a serious time crunch here. We all know that no one gave a shit about Dalten Adler or Dangerous Dan, they paid money to see the New Age Panzies. Coming up at Manitoba Mayhem, the NAP is set to take over the PWA. I know, I know, a lot of people say that. The difference here is we can actually do it. Once Dise is the World champion and McDee and I hold that tag team titles, there's nobody that will be able to challenge us. And let's not forget that we've got friends in high places. What Monkey and me just did in this ring? That's what the NAP is about to do to the PWA.

Kiss Me, I'm Irish!


The camera shifts backstage, where we see Emily Corlen walking down a hallway, prompting cheers from the crowd. As she rounds the corner, she stops, and we see why as the camera pans to the left and reveals the man standing in her way... Rowan O'Kelly.

Rowan O'Kelly: Emily.

Emily Corlen: ROWAN!

At this, Emily's eyes widen and she hugs Rowan hard. Rowan quickly shoves her off.

Rowan O'Kelly: 'ey! Back off, ya bloody...

Rowan shakes his head as he takes a step back.

Rowan O'Kelly: Look. I ain't been lookin' for ya to trade stories. I want a match.

Emily tilts her head, confused.

Emily Corlen: A match? But... why?

Rowan O'Kelly: The world knows Dave trained both of us. A year and a half ago, you and I wrestled to decide who got your PWA contract and you grabbed my tights to win. I want another shot at ya to prove I'm the better wrestler.

Emily chuckles, brushing the hair out of her face.

Emily Corlen: Rowan... we've been over this. I didn't grab your tights. I beat you fair and square. Come on...

She grabs his hand and looks into his eyes earnestly.

Emily Corlen: ...before this whole thing happened, you were my best friend in Milwaukee. We did everything together! I mean hell, we shared an apartment! Hell, if you weren't gay, I probably would have -

Before Emily can finish, Rowan slaps his hand over Emily's mouth.

Rowan O'Kelly: WHAT'RE YA DOIN'? The cameras are rollin', Em!

Emily looks over to her left and notices the camera recording the proceedings.

Emily Corlen: Oh. Oops.

Rowan seems beside himself as he takes another step back, holding his head.

Rowan O'Kelly: I ain't never came out ta anyone but you, Emily... my parents are watchin' this!

Rowan turns away, shaking with anger.

Emily Corlen: Rowan... I didn't mean to... it slipped out! I'm sor-

Before Emily can finish her sentence, Rowan turns around and catches her between the eyes with a huge Up the Yard! (Brogue Kick) He leans down over Emily and exhales sharply.

Rowan O'Kelly: Before, I just wanted a match with ya, Em... but ya crossed the line, sweetheart. None o' this can be undone, and at Manitoba Mayhem, I'm gonna finish what I started 'ere tonight!

As the crowd boos loudly, Rowan slaps his chest, then walks away backwards as the camera focuses on Emily, stirring but otherwise alright, before the scene fades back to the ring.

Danny Monroe vs Cody Bogard

Singles Match


Cody Bogard and Danny Monroe lock up, but Bogard quickly gets behind Monroe and locks him in a side headlock. Bogard sends Monroe into the ropes and then plants him with a dropkick that sends Monroe down to the mat. Bogard runs into the ropes and hits a springboard leg drop across Monroe’s chest. He covers him and gets a two count. Bogard complains about a slow count. You can tell that Monroe has a little ring rust, as he slowly gets back up and tries to shake the cobwebs. The two lock up again, but this time Monroe gets the advantage, as he goes behind Bogard and locks him in an elevated double chicken wing. He then drops Bogard to the mat hard with a facebuster slam. Monroe covers Bogard and gets a two count. Monroe grabs Bogard and locks him in a hammerlock, but Bogard reverses it and sends Monroe across the ring with a belly-to-belly suplex. Bogard goes to the top rope and attempts a Frog Splash, but Monroe gets his knees up sending Bogard down in a crumpled mess. Monroe races over to Bogard and starts to lock in the Californication (Cross Arm-Breaker), but Bogard unexpectedly rolls up Monroe! 1...2...3...KICK OUT! Bogard appears shocked, but he pushes Monroe into the corner and goes to town with some machine gun chops. ORA! ORA! ORA! Bogard steps back, lines up Monroe, and goes for a spinning heel kick, but Monroe ducks under and then hooks Bogard’s arms. PLASTIC SURGERY! Monroe hit him with the Plastic Surgery (double underhook drop onto a knee). Monroe makes the cover. 1...2...3!

WINNER: Danny Monroe

Not-Not-Stryker


We're backstage in President Robinson's office earlier in the day. How do we know it is earlier in the day? Because he's eating lunch. How do we know it is lunch and not dinner? Because he's eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, his all-time favorite lunch. Now stop being difficult and just go with it.

President Robinson looks up from his lunch at the sound of the door opening. We can hear someone walk in, but they stay just out of camera shot.

Mega Mystery Man: Hey Rob, good to see you again.

President Robinson: I kind of like people to call me "President" Robinson. You know, its kind of a respect thing.

Mega Mystery Man: Yeah, I know, Rob.

President Robinson: That stings. I thought we were friends.

Mega Mystery Man: Well, we're not enemies. But I'm here on business so it doesn't really matter anyway.

President Robinson: Look man, if you're looking for a job, you're barking up the wrong tree.

Mega Mystery Man: That's not it at all. In fact, I've already got a job. No, what I want from you are two names.

President Robinson: Two name?

Mega Mystery Man: Yeah. You probably heard that the AOWF Television title has been vacated, right? Well, I'm going to fix that. So give me two names that are going to represent the PWA in the tournament.

President Robinson: Hmm... You know what? I've got a great idea.

Robinson turns in his chair and picks up an XBox 360 controller.

President Robinson: I just got a beta version of this yesterday.

The view cuts to the TV screen as Robinson scrolls through various menus of the new PWA Rampage video game. He gets to the match making screen and selects "Random". On the screen two faces pop up: Emily Corlen and Vicious Vic Wagner.

President Robinson: There you go.

Mega Mystery Man: That'll do. Good seeing, Rob.

President Robinson: Hey, wait! How do I make money out of this deal?

But the mystery man is gone, so we can only hope that our hero will find a way to wet his beak.

Emily Corlen & Showtime vs Thomas Manchester Black & Vic Wagner

Tag Team Match


Showtime is back in action in his second match in like ten years. He starts off against Vic Wagner, of the team that shall henceforth be known as the New Technical Perfection. Or in England, New Tech Per.

Showtime is still showing some ring rust, but manages to hold back the majority of Wagner's attacks. Too bad for him that the minority of the attacks are still pretty brutal. Wagner gets frustrated with the fact that every time he beats Showtime to the mat, Showtime gets back up. In fact, he seems very much like one of those clown punching bags.

Eventually, the frustration provides an opening for Showtime, who quickly tags in Corlen. Corlen goes to town on Wagner, but Thomas Manchester Black tags himself in behind her back when she whips Wagner into the ropes. Black tries for his finisher from behind her, but she senses it coming and ducks down. Black flies past her and she nails him with a seated dropkick.

The two fight some more as for only the second time, someone gives Black an actual fight. After even more back and forth, both people tag in their partners. Wagner and Showtime face off, circling each other and looking for an opening.

Suddenly the ADC-Tron comes to life. The smiling face of our hero, President Robinson, beams at the audience. By which I mean it is smiling by Rob Robinson standards. Which is to say, it isn't smiling at all.

President Robinson: Hey, Showtime.

Showtime tries splitting his attention between Wagner and the ADC-Tron. That's probably more difficult than you imagine.

President Robinson: Pay attention, because I'm only going to say this once. I just got the results of your drug test back. They... they don't look so good, Ambrose.

Now Robinson has Showtime's full attention. He turns to yell at the screen. Wagner wastes no time running in and hitting him with a neckbreaker and making the pin. Black runs in to stop Corlen from breaking the pin as the referee counts to 3.

President Robinson: It looks like you passed, which sucks for me. But a deal's a deal so you've got your match at Manitoba Mayhem.

Winners: The New Technical Perfection

EBay or the Highway


The sun shines on the sidewalk as Marxx seems to be lost in the residential area. He looks at his eBay receipt, looking for a certain house. He tries to see which one it could be among all the Victorian style homes, and most of all, if he could see the number through the trees.

After a few seconds, he enters a driveway. He looks at the address on his piece of paper, and then at the one on the house. He approaches the door, and then knocks. No answer. He tries a second time and waits until a man opens the door.

...damnit, it's Mark McNasty! The IC title is over his shoulder, and Marxx seems to be eyeing it.

Marxx: Hello... Um, Mark. I was wondering if um... If...

McNasty: No.

And McNasty shuts the door.

However, Marxx persists, knocking another time. McNasty opens again.

McNasty: Look, I'm not buying any powersauce bars, deal with it.

Marxx: How much would you like for the belt? I can offer you more than what you paid for it!

McNasty: The belt isn't for sale. At least, not anymore.

And McNasty shuts the door again. And Marxx knocks at the door again. This time, no answer from McNasty. Therefore, Marxx starts knocking with more force.

Marxx: Mark! I know you can hear me! Open this damn door!

And he keeps knocking at the door.

Marxx: Come on McNasty! I just want my job back and I can't get it if I don't bring the belt to Robinson!

Marxx keeps knocking at the door, screaming McNasty's name.

Marxx: Please! I'll do anything!

And just as Marxx stops knocking and decides to walk away, the door opens. Marxx turns back and McNasty comes out of his house.

McNasty: Anything? Really?

Marxx: Anything!

McNasty thinks for a second, and then smirks.

McNasty: Then come here at 10 am sharp tomorrow, I may have something for you.

McNasty turns back and goes back into his house. Marxx looks at the door, then advances towards the sidewalk. He looks at the house one more time, a little more uncertain of what Mark McNasty could force him to do to get the belt back.

The NAP vs Matthew Engel & Hell & High Water

6 Man Tag Match


The level of teamwork to be displayed is exhibited early when Matthew Engel, Lucious Starr, and Joshua Danielson are announced and make their way to the ring. Engel approaches the ring at a brisk pace, distancing himself from the tag team champions. Once they're in the ring, he stands on the opposite side of them, too.

As the New Age Panzies are introduced an apparent techincal glitch has the first several seconds of "My Hero" by the Foo Fighters play before being cut off and replaced with the familiar NAP theme. Panzadise, Monkey McDee and Not-Stryker, in stark contrast to their opponents, head to the ring together. Of note is the fact that they don't come out with their entourage, having decided that the three of them is entourage enough.

The early going in the match is marked not so much by what happens in the ring as what doesn't happen. Chiefly, Panzadise and Matthew Engel keeping managing to not cross paths. Considering the tag team title match was just set up last week and the World title fight has been brewing for over a month, I think we all know which match the fans are looking forward to. All this lack of fighting is getting them worked up like a dog that just fucking knows you've got a milkbone in your hand that you're trying to hide. They cheer whenever there's a hint that the two might lock up, then boo with gusto when one or the other tags out.

Not-Stryker works the bulk of the start of the match. If you subscribe to the Virus's theory concerning his identity, he's using this match to work out years of ring rust. Or maybe he's eager to prove himself to his new comrades. Or perhaps this is the NAP version of hazing. Either way, his moves are executed with technical skill and crispness, so it clearly isn't Danza under the mask.

Not-Strkyer does a good job taking care of Danielson, but showboating let's Engel tag in. Not-Stryker doesn't fair nearly as well in that exchange. Engel tosses Not-Strkyer into his own corner, practically forcing the tag. Panzadise doesn't disappoint and steps into the ring, over the top rope. The two men stand across the ring from each other as Dise smirks and raises one big fist in the fair as the crowd erupts in cheers. Then he takes that fist, swinging it down as he spins and tags in McDee. This time the crowd erupts again, but in boos. They're fickle like that.

McDee and the Virus face off with McDee managing to hold his own. At least until Lucy Starr decides his just has to get in the ring and tags himself in as Engel is passing by him. Engel is not amused, but the referee forces him out of the ring.

There's more back and forth with Starr gaining the upper hand. After beating up poor Monkey McDee, McDee manages to reverse an Irish whip, sending Starr into the ropes. Dise gets a big boot up and the unlucky Lucy runs right into it.

Just about that time, Scott Baio and Tony Danza come sneaking down the entrance ramp, a Nintendo Entertainment System in Danza's hands. As they near the ring, Engel looks behind him and notices what's about to happen. He hops off the ring apron, landing right in front of the lackies. Baio immediately turns tail and runs, but Danza's a man, dammit. He stands tall in front of Engel, impressing the World champion not one bit. Engel rips the NES out of his hands and tosses it into the crowd. As Engel turns to get back on the ring apron, Danza drops to his knees and wraps his arms around Engel's leg. Engel is very much not happy (even more so than normal) and tries to untangle himself from the former sitcom star.

Back in the ring, McDee has the match well in hand, thanks to Dise's freakishly large foot. Not-Stryker drops to the arena floor and starts digging around under the ring, coming out with another NES. As McDee scoops Starr up for the Spunky Monkey, Not-Strkyer slides the game console into the ring and Starr lands right on top of it. McDee looks surprised when he hears the crunch of the console breaking, then grins from ear to ear when he sees all the broken plastic as he drops to make the cover. Danielson tries to make the save, but Panzadise intercepts him as the referee makes the count. 1...2...3!

Winners: The New Age Panzies

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things


Outside of the ring, Matthew Engel has finally peeled Danza off his legs just in time to see how Hell & High Water dropped the ball. The champ rolls into the ring and picks up a piece of the busted Nintendo. He throws it down onto the fallen Lucious Starr in disgust and charges Panzadise. McDee and Not-Stryker are busy making the "I want your belt" motion around their waists and don't see the attack until Engel has taken Dise down with a Lou Thesz Press and is peppering him with fists.

Dise fights back and the two men are rolling around punching and clawing at each other in a good old fashioned street fight. They fight up to their feet and then the referee, Hell & High Water, and the remaining members of the NAP break up the fight. The NAP keep pushing Panzadise back up the entrance ramp while the ref and H&HW hold Engel back in the ring. The two men point at each other and yell as the show closes.